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HOLIDAY MODE | DEAR TKB: To get married, or not to get married? I need to know NOW (please). | Also, Bambino.

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Happy Tuesday evening, darlings.  Did you get what you wanted this weekend?  I got the gift of family, friends and a Radiohead concert next March from Honey.  DREAM GIFT, and I didn’t even know I wanted it that bad.  Downside of Christmas: Honey unwittingly said “creampie” when a new-to-the-family young lady asked “ooohh, what kind of kind of dessert is this?”, pointing to the jello pudding whipped cream pie.  They both immediately looked away and down, were silent for what, three hours?  That’s what it felt like.  It was probably around 2 seconds.  They then parted ways, never to speak again.  Probably forever and ever, amen.

Good times!  GTs.

Ok SO!  Tell me what you got for Christmas if that’s what you celebrate!!!!  I love hearing this stuff, it’s weird.  I just love hearing it.

By the way I wanted to show you what Bambino’s grandparents got him for Christmas:

It’s a puffy winter jacket, because he gets cold when it’s chilly outside; his limbs and bell do a little shimmy shake thing and it’s kind of cute but it’s also kind of sad.

My parents got him the coat a size or seven too big, so Bambino pretty much got a cape for Christmas.  Which makes his present 1000% cooler than it was.  #winning.  He’s my little superhero so I’m happy with it.  And he sort of looks like he’s flying in that image.  I like it.

Ok.  This one’s a toughie.

Dear TKB:

My fiancé and I are getting married next year in the fall.  Actually I should be clear – we’re having *our wedding* in the fall.  It’s important to clarify that because my query involves the fact that we might – emphasis on might – actually go ahead and have a quickie marriage ceremony before the new year.  Which I guess means in the next four days.  Why?  Recently my fiancé found out from the accountant that we could save in excess of $10,000 USD if we made it legal in 2011.  Important details: we certainly aren’t rolling in it by any stretch, but it’s not like we’re choosing between food or prescriptions, either.  So it’s mostly about how he’s just thinking it would be silly to pay an additional $10,000 in taxes when we could just as easily have a little impromptu ceremony at the courthouse, thereby saving $10,000; most of which we could put towards the wedding next year.  A good thing, when I look at it from a practical perspective.

He’s already looked into the laws in NY where we live, and it turns out we could realistically get ‘er done over the span of two days.  (Can you believe it’s that easy?  I thought you had to have a blood test, etc.)  Anyway.  He told me he’s just thinking in terms of being a provider, and that if this is going to impact me in a negative way emotionally, he doesn’t want us to go through with it.

My dilemma is this: I try really hard not to let money impact really big decisions or changes of life plans (except in necessary cases of course), and I know in my heart that I would prefer we wait to file the papers and have that incredible moment of actually being married happen much closer to the time we have our wedding.  I never really grow attached to specific hopes and dreams, as I’m more of a “live life in the present” kind of person.  It’s more fun that way, I think.  But this whole marriage thing is something I’ve been really committed to having documented beautifully, with a photographer, hopefully a videographer, and at least my immediate family present.  I just want to be able to look back on the day we officially became a wedded couple with fondness.  If I can avoid it, I’d rather our story not be “Kids, mommy and daddy rushed their ceremony into the last few days of 2011 because they realized they could save 10K.  The End.” :)  Maybe I’m being silly?  I don’t know anymore.  I’ve been rolling this around in my head for the last two full days and I’m at a loss for what to do.

Like I said, I know in my heart that I’d much rather save it instead of rush this hugely meaningful series of minutes (signing the license, etc.).  I know this because it makes me sad, and I’ve already teared up once about it, when I think about going through with the rushed ceremony.  I think if we had more time, and could fly our photographer out to document it and I could get a nice dress maybe, I think I’d be 1000% more willing to go through with the quickie version, you know?

BUT ON THE OTHER HAND.  I’m a saver by nature, and so I definitely see the point/benefit of saving $10,000.  Who wouldn’t want to save it, especially if it was this easy?  And that’s a whole lot of money that we can rain on the wedding.  Or on everyday life stuff.  Or a much need vacation since we both work way too hard.  Or the hospital bill when we have a baby one day in the future.  Or whatever.

I’m having the worst time deciding which way to go.  Am I just being overly emotional?  Will I get over it?  Please help me figure this out, Knotty community.  Thanks, I appreciate it.

R.

Dear R,

Oh boy.  This… this, is a tough one.  I’m a saver, too, so I feel you on your indecision, and $10,000 is approximately a lot of dollah bills y’all.  I mean, you could buy so much with $10,000, right?!  You could buy a car for $10,000.  You could donate $10,000 to charity and make a huge impact.  You could buy the most amazeballs vacation, like you said, with $10,000.  You could start a college fun for your future babies, even though interest rates are s**t these days.  You could supercharge your wedding with $10,000.  You could never have to clip a coupon for the next full year.

Not sure if you can buy back your hopes and dreams, though, with $10,000.  Jury’s still out on that one.

Ok, I’m turning it over to you guys now and hoping you might be willing to offer Miss R your suggestions/thoughts/reactions.  FYI, Miss R has what? like, a day to make this decision.  Yikes.

xoxo!  - Alison

Vanessa Joy Photography is a member of Vendor Love.  Explore more of her work here, in our guide.


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