Wedding Styling Brilliance + Best Way for a Man to End An Argument. | Photography by André Teixeira of Brancoprata / Jose Villa Workshop {PART II}

Happiest of Monday afternoons to your faces, my friends! Actually, there are more things to greet…

Hi there, vibrant yellow bouquet in the foreground with ribbons the color of azure waters that I want to touch. You flutter beautifully like the hair of Beyonce with child while she performs in high heels which is very dangerous! Oh and hey- how’s the weather, extremely attractive couple caught in a moment of not exactly kissing, not exactly laughing? Oohh and hello to you, too, billy ball decorated cake of on-trend wonder and astonishment. Can I see you up close?

Oh, thank you, cake. You are as pretty as I imagined you would be!

As you can see, there’s much to look at this afternoon, friends. Because today is Brancoprata in Mexico for Jose Villa‘s Latest Workshop Part Deux: Return of the Amazeballs. And OMGITISMYFAVORITE. However, if you’ll indulge me for two shakes of a puppy’s butt, let’s pick up this conversation after a little message for my deli guy who I just met:

Guy at deli I met who prepared my salad: why you no give me normal amount of salad dressing on my salad? Why you give me weird amount?

You poured approximately a lot of salad dressing on my salad, and it’s gross now. Why you generous is wrong way?

Eating this salad is a little like eating a thick, sweet bowl of puke with some leaves added to it. It is so much salad dressing that I can’t even take it. So, so much. Do you know anyone who likes this much dressing on their salad because I DO NOT. Why did he put so much on? Maybe the more important question right now is why didn’t I listen to my Mom who gets her salads there every time she visits us and tells me every time that, if I ever get a salad there, I should consider asking for the dressing on the side because dude gives her a bowl of honey mustard dressing soup with a touch of salad to garnish. If she doesn’t ask for the dressing on the side, which she does now, always. Mom, you’re so right, why are you always right.

Ok keeping it real, this is not unusual behavior for me, this forgetting (or as friends/relatives call it – this ”not paying attention” or this “ignoring” or this ”walking into another room when someone is mid-sentence, as if to say ‘f**k your words.’”). It’s not that I’m still rebelling shmmahhmmana years out of college, it’s more about the fact that I’m just generally a forgetful mess, is all. I’m forgetful sort of like how OJ Simpson is forgetful about the fact that he [allegedly] killed his wife and so writing a book about how you can kill your wife was the worst idea, though still a distant second behind actually killing his wife. I’m forgetful in the way that whenever I watch a commercial where there’s this one kid sitting on the bleachers/the curb whose mom forgot to pick him up from soccer practice, or a movie where there’s the one kid who’s waiting in the rain for his mom to pick him up from practice, and then that one aspect of the kid’s life is extrapolated onto the entire social acceptability of the kid and how it’s got deep, emotional problems because the mom must be a head case… I’m always like, “s**t. S**T. That’s gonna be my kid.”

{Fast-forward more than 12 years from now, when we have pre-teens} … After the third late kid pickup, Honey’s going to be like, “Sweetheart, seriously? You gotta pick up our kids on time, otherwise they’re gonna be pegged as the kids with the scatterbrained mom.” To which I’ll say, “Honey, first of all, I am already this person. I am who you know me to be. You’ve seen my sister Jenny, right? We’re related. Also, if their friends don’t already know this about me then THEIR moms had low test scores because I wear this eccentricity on my sleeve and our kids’ friends could have tagged them with this scatterbrained mom BS right out of the gate at any one of our kids’ birthday parties into which I habitually come running with an ice cream cake from Carvel (PLEASE STILL EXIST IN THE FUTURE, CARVEL). In closing, having me as a mom is going to bring them the occasional late pickup, and yes, we may have named our children with the most common, Presidential names not because we want them to be President but because we knew in advance that I’d be running late for their birthday parties and would need to be able to grab the already-inscribed birthday cakes from the showcase cooler at the cake shop. But you know what? Our kids are also going to get A’s in art class, writing and at least passing grades in math, will excel in good conversation, and they’ll always know that they have parents who love them endlessly, and also, they’re going to blame us for everything bad that happens in their lives ANYway, so why not be guilty /deserving of it?”

And that’s when Honey is going to say, “omg you’re right. I am wrong! Let me cook a nice dinner for you followed by extended cunnilingus and one of my award-winning foot rubs to lull you to sleep. Also, I’ll pick up the kids from practice on alternate days.”

HELLOOO! I got a little off track there. Let me escort you back to the matter at hand which is my forgetfulness.

Here’s one more example of it: I’m Rick-James-on-The-Chapelle-Show level forgetful, minus the soul-crushing drug addiction. So, I don’t even get the fun of drugs. Just the forgetfulness. Sucks. Ohh- if you’re not familiar with Rick James’ cameos on The Chapelle Show (or you’re forgetful due to 1: rampant drug use or 2: genetic makeup-aka the unfair way), I will share a relevant quote from one of his appearances:

Rick James: ”See, I never just did things just to do them. Come on, what am I gonna do? Just all of a sudden jump up and grind my feet on somebody’s couch like it’s something to do? Come on. I got a little more sense then that.”

[... brief pause...]

Rick James: ”Yeah, I remember grinding my feet on Eddie’s couch.

Anywho, happy Monday afternoon, guys. I totally forgot to say that… or did I? I think all that salad dressing is clogging my synapses/syntax awareness. Ok so tell me, how’s it hangin’? Having a good Monday? That’s probably a stretch since it is of course, Monday, but still I hope it’s going decently for you.

I’ve gotta say, if you’re anywhere near as excited about the fact that I’m blogging Part II of the gorgeous wedding styling inspiration Sofia and Andre of Brancoprata shared with me from their super awesome mega fun time experience in Mexico at Jose Villa‘s most recent workshop, then your a$$ is about to explode. Because I am a radioactive level of excited about this and I’m gonna shut down ma talk hole so you can see it already.

ShaBLAMMY! ↴