hey it’s me.

I realize the show’s about to start in about an hour.  But I committed myself to this and DAMNIT, WHAT I PROMISE I DELIVER.

Sometimes I’m like, do I like this.

Or does the pinot like this.  

24/7 thing I think for these women.

When I think back to the moment we finally found out that ABC’s next Bachelor was gonna be Sean Lowe, I have a feeling we all shared the same reaction:

“Wait what”

But then, after the initial shock wore off that they’d indeed chosen Mr. Lowe as our nation’s most eligible bachelor (oh it’s not like that anymore?  what’s that? the standards, you changed them?  oh… ok.  What’s that? “there are none” you say, anymore?  you “lost the standards after Trista?”  I see.  Well that’s a shame.).

Here’s a brief overview of what’s happened so far to catch you up on everything worth telling, previous to Episode 2:

Season: ? // Episode: 1 // Title: Let’s see which of these broads are better than me face-wise.

So I had a viewing party at my place for the premiere, NBD.  Anyway check out my friends’ reactions below, lol they didn’t realize at first that Sean was the new Bachelor haha lmao..

Overall impression from Episode 1 of Sean as The Bachelor:

(sorry guys– Bambino is trying to get my attention, this’ll just be a second.

What is it, Bambenis?  Mommy’s working right n–

Anyway back to my impression of Sean!

If I’m honest with you guys about this, at first I was like mmm… ok yeah momma gonna work with this jusss fine.

So, didn’t have any problems with him yet.  But then he was like:

Which to me I dunno- seemed a bit rude, for him.  I was suddenly unsure of my feelings.

But he quickly was like

and all was forgiven.

But then he talks to Tierra.  And after he talks to Tierra, he tells us his impression of her.  I’m thinking, “either Borderline or Histrionic Personality Disorder, OR a mix of both, severe lack of empathy, but definitely no signs of hair extensions.”  He doesn’t say that.

What he says is:

And I was like Seaaaan, noo

Then around the same time I noticed a tweet from F**kface McBarOwnership which went

ABC how did you find this guy, I’m seriously asking.  This guy was the worst one, imo.  How could you make a dude who needs four guys in his profile pic because he’s THAT LONELY AND INSECURE, the Bachelor?  I mean clearly he was going lie to all the women and eventually make them cry and fight OH I JUST FIGURED IT OUT.

==> A little trivia on this: Brad has since deleted the Tierra tweet from his feed, so good thing I screensaved it on my iphone OMG WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE

Also interesting- search results for “Brad Womack,” yielded plethora of tweets written by people who are terrible judges of character:

Random Girl in Her Boyfriends’ Lap was like,

You guys I was like

Because like, r u srs.   It was all getting to be a little too much.

I mean, there’s people that are dying, kim.

So in that moment I told myself: “NO- stop worrying about these girls who have NFI.  This girl wouldn’t recognize a good man if he hit her right in the face.  There’s nothing you can do to help her that wouldn’t require several minutes to hours of your personal time, something with which you’re unbecomingly selfish.  Shhh.  Focus.  Focus on the recap.”

So, I th–oops, sorry forgot to tell you guys, Arie visited Sean and gave him kissing pointers because Arie’s so good at landing women.

Ugh, Arie.

When I first started recapping The Bachelor way back, I was pretty free about it.  I didn’t hesitate to drop bombs on targets because on a scale of 1 to 10 those targets were obliterated off of their asses and as such willingly unready to engage in battle.  I didn’t ask them to get wasted, I didn’t slip a pill in their drinks; they or their woefully unmanaged Borderline Personality Disorders chose that path.  By all means safety first, but what do you do when your friends drink too much?  You mock them without mercy, is what you do.  To teach them never to drink that much again.  And then it happened.

In a weird twist I became somewhat friendly with some previous cast members of the show (who knew about me only because of my recaps. of them.).  Naturally it had the effect of taming me almost into submission.

So, I won’t be letting that happen again.

JK!  CALL ME, TV STARS

Look at this guy, you guys.  Look at him.  Look at that gait he’s walking in with.  Ha! Like he’s Bieber or something NOBODY’S BEIBER BUT BEIBER.  And omg don’t get me started on the tan.  stfu r u srs.  OMG you guys look - look at that face and that hair.  HAHA! oh man, get over yourself buddy.

Ok now that Chris is here we’re just waiting on Sean t-OH OHMIGOD, OMIGOD.  OMG THERE YOU ARE, HI. HI THERE.  HELLO.  Can you ta- HE CAN TALK!  HE CAN TALK TOO, OMG! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ALL OF US.

Chrisbharrison addresses bevy.

He lets the girls (these are not women) know that he thinks Sean is one of the more sincere bachelors ever to grace the show.  -Implying there were some who were not sincere, I gather from this?  It’s unclear.

The one-on-one date card is announced; it’s Sarah, who has one arm.  Not trying to be a dick, she has no other identifying features that distinguish her from others in the house.  The ladies are currently seated around her and everyone smiles, genuinely.  Then they recall the lecture on “treating Sarah just like someone who has two arms” and quickly the smiles melt into visceral anger over her ever being born.  One lady starts sawing into her left arm at the shoulder, for a leg up in the competition.  Another woman literally eats off her own leg at the hip, having once heard the phrase “a leg up in the competition” and interpreting it literally to mean if you hold up your leg the highest, someone will propose to you.

Some sort of flying apparatus we’ve never seen before on the show lands outside the house.  We’re told it’s a helicopter.  Sitting with my vibrator in a napkin next to me and excitedly clutching my ex-boyfriend’s unwashed sweatpants, I think to myself, “well this is a new approach!”

As they approach the helicopter which we’re so not over yet because HELICOPTERS!!!!!!!!!!111111111 right guys??, Sean decides to grab Sarah in a manner that says *I can’t push this off any longer,* and once his fingers have stopped feeling around for open wounds and settled comfortably into her skin, Sarah finds herself overjoyed and convinced of their love.  Sarah, never having dated a man before in her life, assumes that trembling to the point of visible shaking is just how a man touches a woman when he knows he loves her.  If Sean can maintain this current level of fear for the duration of their courtship, I’d say Sarah’s all set orgasm-wise.

Sean seems genuinely to like Sarah.  And what’s not to like?  She’s a beautiful-faced woman who has expressed her urgent need to get married and start a family.  It’s exactly what Sean is after.  The only thing that troubles me about their budding relationship is the way Sean handles Sarah’s underdeveloped arm.  As in, like a fiery hot glassblowing rod.

Ok so let’s get to the date portion of this date.  Surely they’ll have them doing some sort of bonding activity, so as to force the connection between him and the girl everybody loves who he is not interested in.  But I can’t imagine it’ll be anything to0 physical I mean the girl does have only one ar–

Sarah’s great.  Just- the thing about Sarah is that she is someone who willingly sits down in front of cameras and, with heartfelt emotion, recounts in extreme detail the deep feelings she has for a man she’s literally just meeting right now.  A man who is simultaneously dating several other ladies who live in the same house as she does.  So I guess what I’m saying is this show is a fucking mess and I hate everything it stands for.

SARAH (about the date): “The only thing in the world I thought I’d be scared of-” (which-I mean, I beg to differ) “–jumping off of the side of a building– I *did* today.  And I did it with Sean.”  So we should die together as a couple fifty years from now.  Because super bonding ziplining experience.

Finding myself completely not interested in the show at this point because ugh, The Bachelor, I begin to notice the commercials being aired, and I find these commercials to be maximum adorable.  Better than the show, even.  So I present to you,

It’s a photo shoot.  After Sean literally laughs through telling the girls what they’re doing today, the lady leading the photo shoot warns the girls; “the person that we select is going to appear on three real book covers, that are going to appear across the United States, FOR EVERYONE TO SEE..”

Surprisingly the women become excited, instead of mortified (the normal reaction).  But careful- they shouldn’t get too excited, as Katie may get upset.

ABC decides that the photo shoot is the perfect time to debut the network’s new makeup line, “Actually No- I Wasn’t Just Crying” and they sell out within one second.  (stock acronym is “M T N SIDE” if you’re looking to invest)

Tierra, being the kind of person she is (a bad one), quickly sniffs out Kristy the model’s imperfection, while watching her get ready

Tierra is now seated in the chair next to Robyn. It is my understanding Robyn knows this.  Robyn complains about Tierra to the super profesh makeup artist.

WHITTLE BEHBEHKINS and Sean discuss things.  Sean is good with kids so this should be smooth sailing:

BEHBEHKINSIES (this is what I call Kacie B if you’re just starting to read my recaps as of this season) weighs in on why she decided to come on the show this time.  She first explains the attraction to the viewers, and then she speaks with Sean about it, and then afterwards it’s back to the viewers for a recap.  If you missed it, here’s roughly how it went:

Her wrap-up of how it went with Sean:

Here’s Sean’s reactions when she says the beej comment:

Ladies.  Please stop intro’ing with how willing you are to suck it.  Best to let it naturally reveal itself in the relationship.

Meanwhile…

George Washington lets Sean know their journey together is over:

Sean tries to convince her to stay..

It isn’t enough.  She leaves.

Thanks, ABC.  Loving the pet element to these ad spots.  Now that I’m thinking about it–I honestly don’t even think it’s possible for someone to make a depressing dog commercialOH F—

Editor’s Note: I need to speed it up you guys.  It’s Monday right now and the show premieres on the east coast in 2 hours.

In this scene to this woman, Sean goes: “hey you never know, I might get fat and lose my hair…”  

OK I GOTTA STOP THIS.  THE SHOW IS COMING ON SOON.  

~ QUICK GAME ~

Here’s the part where I answer #Bachelor tweets, holding them to a standard high above the one I’ve set for myself (or, “Unsolicited Advice”):

Hahaha, six-times orphaned.  This girl you’re mocking.  Not 5.  6.  6 times.

wait what

Ok SHE’S TOO CUTE FOR HIM Katie, she’s too cute.  She deserves someone who reads the f**king morning paper, for chrissakes.

See here’s the thing about this show, I hate it.

Ok on to the next tweet.

WOW.  just WOW.  Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?

Listen here, and listen good.  WHITTLE. BEHBEHKINS. is my whittle. babykins.  And my whitta babies are not to be touched, you hear me random woman who is just expressing her opinion as is her right?  You think just because you’ve had a sexual experience you’re better than her? than my BEH-BEH?? ?  WELL I GOT NEWS FOR YA LADY, Kacie B is an adorable 4 year old child ANY MAN would be lucky to take home.   Now kindly stfu and compete for a man dating 25 other women like someone who actually *deserves* my respect.

Another episode down, and I am absolutely riveted.  The show truly is so great, it raises so many questions.

Like:

Will I ever get sick of seeing dates on helicopters? (answer: HELI NO)

Will I ever tire of absolute decrepit bullshit on television? (answer: unlikely)

What will the show’s producers do if Sean chooses Sarah among his final two?  Sarah has one arm, and unfortunately it isn’t her left; we’re so used to watching the product placement ring search.  Seeing as this girl doesn’t have a left hand – what happens there?

What are your thoughts?  Would love to hear your feedback/reactions… I really, really would.  

See you in a bit ya filthy animals.

xx, Alison

To everybody I talked about in this post – I was just kidding.

Have you guys seen that electronic cigarette commercial?  Where the guy is super cool and handsome looking, except for he is smoking an electronic cigarette?  Here’s the thing about smoking an electronic cigarette: no.

I’m pretty sure today’s inspiration shoot is having whatever Lance Armstrong’s having because the inspiration just keeps going and going for miles, without ever stopping.  I’m so sorry.

Please ignore that dumb joke; I promise you you’re in for a treat today.  You see there’s this trend that I’ve been sweating super hard.  It’s the idea of making something for your wedding day that actually will last far beyond your wedding day.  Like as decor for your home, as in today’s shoot.  Or perhaps as a sort of heirloom piece, that later on down the road you can rudely force via the tactic of conditional love softly encourage your daughter to employ, in her own wedding and home. (Like a good mother of the bride would.)

Today’s shoot boasts three things: a) pretty eye candy/inspiration b) macarons, little cupcakes, and a not too shabby ombre cake that makes me really love this whole *ombre cake* thing that’s been going around (I like simple cakes, so this one rocked it for me), and last but not least, c) a seriously neat way to make some awesomely photogenic wedding decor, that you DON’T have to throw away when all is said and done!

What I love about it the most is you’re not just throwing money away, or DIY’ing a thing that you wouldn’t be caught dead using as legitimate decor in your own home later on.  Where you have people over sometimes, who would see it.  It just makes sense people.

Here’s some more detail on what I’m getting at, from Jackie Lovato of Lovato Images, who submitted this truly inspiring shoot that thoroughly explores and executes on this concept!

So many couples have an emotional connection to music and the bands/songs they share in common with their love story. This styled shoot is inspired by the Dave Matthews Band album ‘Big Whiskey & the GrooGrux King.’  On the album is the song ‘You & Me’ – a romantic song that many couples have chosen as the first dance at their wedding.  Each decor element was carefully selected drawing from the illustrative design of the album cover.  It has a muted and dreamy feel of the energy of mardi gras, music and symbolism that infused the design of the shoot.  An example of this is the unique and meaningful common thread infused into each of the shoot’s vignettes with custom, textured and layered paintings on canvas that provided a meaningful touch to the decor.  From the ceremony ‘You & Me’ painting, ‘The Kings’ sweet heart table, ‘Sweets’ dessert cart, to the painting of the dress on the escort card table – each of the paintings become a forever memory of the day as treasured keepsakes as decor in the couple’s home as well as gifts for the family and wedding party.

BTW, OMG THIS VEIL:

I couldn’t really think of something funny to have him say in the second pic.  Any thoughts?  C’mon, you worked hard today; you should put words into my dog’s mouth as a little break.  You earned it.  <== the concept of every commercial for a chocolate bar that’s aimed at women on their period

Ok so tell me!  Any favorite bits?

Also I’m curious: Do you already know the song that’s perfect for your wedding day?  And if you’re already married – what was your song?

Aaaand, are you into the idea of making your wedding decor last and find its way into your life together?

xx!

Alison

Photography: Lovato Images / Event Designer: 221 by Viv {Wedding & Event Design} / Floral Designer: The Pink Daffodil / Cinema and Video: Mission Visual / Heirlooms and extras: Commemory Fine Art / Equipment Rentals: Found Vintage Rentals / Makeup Artist: Courtney Nicolle / Hair & Makeup Personal Stylist: Mcgregorgirl Vintage Fashion / Bakery: Pearly Sweets / Submitted via Two Bright Lights

^^ what in the F.  this is F-ing gorgeous.  i have ascended into heaven >>

… how stunning is this, amirite?!  But FIRST:

Ever watched several minutes of people falling on their butts?  Today, you can say you have:

So today I have glitter shoes, golden planters, a pretty dotted bow veil, one lovely lace wedding dress, a bunch of succulents and some truly inspiring florals to get to, all thanks to an eye-popping submission from Natasja Vega of Studio 516 Photography.  But first, I need to talk about the Vine app for a minute.  (Vine like ‘swinging from a vine.’)  The new app lets you make little stop-motion home movies with your phone, and that’s using a loose interpretation of “stop-motion” so don’t tell anyone cool that I said something like that.

Well, I set up my profile and then explored a little and let me tell you; I could sit and explore other people’s videos for like at least one minute.  At least.  This app is positively seconds of fun.  It’s not even until around 20 or 30 seconds into exploring other people’s videos that I become completely exhausted and sick of it, unwilling to return for hours.  All in all a really enjoyable experience.

Having launched just days ago, understandably it was having (for me at least) a difficult time processing videos I was making, but fortunately it saves to your phone’s photo album so I uploaded a sample to YouTube, for anyone who hasn’t seen what Vine does.  This video (I uploaded it a day or two ago) is of our Frenchie Bambino coercing me into granting him the very treat I am using to court his attention (a win-win!):

Twitter is behind this brand new easy mini movie creator, and word on the street is it’s the hottest thing since spending even an iota of quality time with the people who matter in your life.  Aren’t you so glad we don’t have to do that anymore, spend quality time with our loved ones whom we used to hold so dear lmao?  I prefer hardly knowing my nuclear family.  It’s definitely easier wading blindly through life than bothering to know my parents on a deeper level and thereby nurturing my own personal growth by default.  And that absolute bare minimum we put into maintaining at least half of our friendships these days, omg I am loving it.  The Occasional Text Message Check In is the best thing that’s happened to me since giving a damn about anyone and anything.

For my first post (not seen here) on this newest of time wasters I shot a 6-7 second amateur film again starring Bambino.  In it Bambino smiles, is intrigued by a piggy toy, swats at and tries to mouth the toy, and just a whole lot of hilarity ensues.  Just kidding it’s 6-7 seconds long it’s pretty basic.  After I made it I was about to return to working on actual work like for my business (The Knotty Bride) when I casually switched my phone’s ringer off of mute.

That’s when I discovered it.

What I discovered was that Vine records SOUND, in addition to video.  When I discovered that Vine does this, I gasped so hard I inhaled some of the esophageal spit that lines my esophagus, almost killing me.  When the coughing subsided I found I still had enough strength left in me to place the tip of my forefinger onto the app, opening it.  As the app loaded on my phone I wondered, “what juicy tidbits of conversation between Honey and me did my first Vine video sneakily catch?”

To my complete relief, however, it turned out the single audible element on the clip was Bambino’s adorable face snorts.  Sweet baby Jesus in heaven, I was saved.

Bambino’s really got to kick that cocaine habit though, it’s a problem.  I know I should intervene as his mother but it’s just such a joy to see him happy you know?  So. very hard decision.

Anyway now that Vine exists, there’s no telling what the future holds as far as reality entertainment is concerned.  And that’s exciting.  I mean imagine the possibilities.  I’m certain we can look forward to some groundbreaking cinema coming out of this app, I for one can hardly wait.  Oscar-worthy?  Perhaps; too early to tell.  But one interesting thing I learned from this app already is that the adorable babies of Instagram actually cry and whine when featured in video form.  That was interesting!  I’ll be turning exclusively to Instagram for my baby fixes henceforth.

Look forward to many videos from me despite this scathing review, as you already know I can’t help myself.  Definitely won’t be as prolific as with Instagram basically because videos take time and you have to be cognizant of what’s in your surroundings.  The last thing I need is the pajamas and underwear I changed out of this morning to show up in a video about Bambino chasing his rope into the bedroom.  So you can look forward to many videos shot while we’re outside of the apartment living life.  I’m especially excited to bring you “A Knotty Birth: From Shitting On the Table to Shitting Out a Baby” and “Breastfeeding: Let’s Find Out If It Hurts” plus many more.  All time-lapsed inside of 7 seconds because YOLO!

Ok all joking aside the app is pretty neat and I’ve noticed some clever videos during my explorations.  I’m planning to bring you some next level creative shit similar to what I’ve seen so far; you know, like a time-lapse of a bowl of soup going from full, to empty.  Or a baby laying on the floor, wiggling, and cooing.  A dog being walked, looking at its owner, and walking again.  Or the view from an office building, which to others may be uninteresting but which I find totally worthy of having people sit through expecting more than just the view from an office building but getting only that.  And a row of dolls lining up, and then disappearing one by one.  And many, many more *creative* things.

I’m being a debbie downer about it.  It’s awesome, love the app, everybody join like I did.

Just no selfies, because this can happen to anyone:

Natasja of Studio 516 Photography teamed up with Mariana of Peplum Events to create this beyond chic styled shoot depicting a winter elopement.  Mariana and Natasja collaborated on floral style, design, and concept.  Here’s a bit on the inspiration from Natasja:

 I have been wanting to do an elopement inspiration for quite some time.  Having shared my inspiration with Mariana of Peplum Events, we set out to make it all happen.  We wanted to incorporate a woodsy theme, along with the festive feel that we finally had in Orlando, Fl, by adding holiday elements.  Given that, we wanted to keep the focus on elopement and adding details that would convey a personal feel. 

So..

Have you jumped on board with the Vine app?  And is there anything you’d particularly like me to film?  Cause I mean I’ll probably do it.  I’ll probably do anything (I’ll probably regret saying that, too).

Also- you inspired by today’s shoot?  Look at how those succulents are alive, and not dead.  If I was styling this shoot they’d be dead in half the pictures because I’ve either watered too much, or not enough.

Sigh.

xx, Alison    By the way, how cute is this:

By the way, how dumb is this:

Photographer: Natasja Vega of Studio 516 Photography / Stylist: Mariana Cordero of Peplum Events / Submitted via Two Bright Lights / 8 minutes of slipping via Gothamist

There are certain things in life we do not question and instead accept as fact.  It’s your basic “if p, then q.”  An unwritten guarantee of an outcome.  For example:

If you are getting your partner anything other than sex for Valentine’s Day, then the love is gone.

See how cut and dry that is?  Things that make sense comfort me.

The thing is, it’s not always as simple as that.  Take gift-giving for a holiday like V-Day for example, or the tough process of finding the right gifts for your bridesmaids.  You want *THE PERFECT* thing.  The thing that’s going to show them - once and for all - that you actually give a shit about them (because you do!)  But…….. what??

Resident president of pretty, Renee Hong, is coming to the rescue on this one.  And the simple + pretty factor of today’s DIY is gonna knock your socks right off your feet, and you’re actually gonna have to get up and go get them if you still wanna be wearing socks after seeing her beautiful project.  Last thing if you don’t mind: when you get back from retrieving your socks please do let Renee know in the comments if you thought today’s project was groovy!! :)

Bambino performs “Beyonce performing at the Superbowl”

And now, this lovely DIY project.

Today we’re talking little details! This DIY is an easy trick that’ll fool anyone into thinking you custom ordered or store bought this little gem. These charms are multi-use friendly and can be used to add a little personalization to just about anything! You can wrap ‘em around your utensils to be given to guests as a wedding favor, string across the cover of a photo album to turn it into a guestbook, or even tie it to a necklace as a gift to your bridesmaids/flower girls — ready to learn it?

What you’ll need:
– Brass stamping blanks (any shape, I used hearts — they also come in circles, triangles, squares)
– Metal hole punch
– Metal letter stamping blocks (the same ones I talked about from this http://theknottybride.com/34733 post)
– Metal block (optional)
– Hammer
– Twine/jute string

Step 1:
Place your brass piece on the metal block or on any very sturdy, solid surface. Take a metal letter stamp (perhaps a monogram, a number, or an even an ampersand!) and hammer it into the center of the brass heart.

Step 2: Punch a small hole in the top center of the brass piece, where you want the string to run through.

Step 3: Run the twine through your freshly punched hole and tie into a knot — now your little personalized heart is ready to go! Wrap it around something to add a sweet touch or give it away as a piece of jewelry… the possibilities with these simple charms are endless!

What do you think? Does it look DIY-ed to you?!

xo Renee

On the lookout for more fun things to do/read?  Go check out everything Renee’s created for readers of TKB since the beginning of time of when she started doing it.  YayYUH!

Sometimes I’m like “LET’S DO THIS, WE SHOULD DO THIS” about a thing or idea.  I’ll shout it out in the middle of dinner, or while one of us is in mid-pee, or after we’ve been laying in bed for 10 minutes.  It’s startling- it’s a startling thing.  But sometimes things hit my brain and I’m like, “WE MUST,” without thinking it through.

Like when I started this blog, that was a spontaneous decision.  Or when Honey took me to see some frenchies and I made the spontaneous decision to ignore my allergy to dogs and come home with our frenchie Bambino with our fingers crossed (so far not one sneeze).  There was also the time I enjoyed having wings during the Superbowl and I was like, “we should order wings again” and we did, we ordered wings again, this was last night.  (They can’t always be winners.)

Really the only thing all of these spur of the moment decisions have in common, is that they’re driven by an instinct that whatever the thing or idea is, IT’S A GREAT ONE OF THEM.  And guess what?  Eating the wings WAS a great idea; they were delicious and I have never been happier.  This morning in the bathroom was a different story but no need to go into any of that.

Well.  When Honey and I started thinking about actually starting to plan our wedding, one of the quickest decisions we’ve made so far is to honeymoon registry the shit out of our friends and family.  The shit out of them.  Undoubtedly going to be the bestest quickest decision we’ve ever made, as a couple (besides marrying and finally buying a place with two bathrooms).

This is where Traveler’s Joy comes in.  Have you heard of it?  It’s a honeymoon registry, and I have a feeling signing up for it will turn out to be one of the many smartest and most f**king joyful decisions you’ve ever made, too… 

As far back as 2004 (when the internet was still just a whittle behbeh of a thing), engaged couples – more than 100,000 of them, you guys – have been skipping the blender so to speak, and registering for the trip of a lifetime.  You guys they sound smart.  Don’t they?  And with Traveler’s Joy, couples are able to register for experiences and activities, and all the other awesome items related to their first travel experience as newlyweds wanting to have fun and bang like bunnies while they’re at it (TMI?).

If you haven’t left my site to go sign up and instead you’re still reading this, it’s safe to assume you’re not one to make snap decisions.  I admire that.  This next part is for you.

Here are the top reasons Traveler’s Joy is some next level s**t you need to be a part of:

1) Real Member Stories: This section of the site is a popular resource for couples starting to plan their honeymoon.  The stories you’ll read are from smart, awesome couples who really wanted to get everything they could out of their honeymoon experiences, and you’ll learn SO MUCH from them.  Literally hundreds of stories have been shared in this section, and thousands of couples per year send in their honeymoon stories and photos!

2) Instant Registry: It’ll take just minutes to set up your registry, and you can choose from a list of 50 theme based (think beach, cruise, or mountains) or location specific (think Italy or St. Lucia) item lists.  With just a click, items and experiences are added to your registry.  And you can edit or delete any item at any time (and also add plenty more of your own if you want!).

3) Group Gifting: It’s easy to divide the cost of expensive items into manageable portions.  A private trip on the water at sunset that costs $500 can be split into five $100 gifts (or any size you want).  And since there are many honeymoon items that can be hella pricey, almost all couples use this feature in some way.

4) Partnerships & History: Traveler’s Joy has been in business since 2004 and has served over 100,000 members.  They’re Featured Registry Partners with WeddingChannel.com, The Knot, and WeddingWire.  They’re also proud members of the Better Business Bureau Online Reliability Program (since 2006).  With eight years in the “honeymoon” wedding registry marketplace, Traveler’s Joy is most certainly here to stay.

5) Physical Items: Did you know you could also register for “accessory” items, related to your honeymoon on Traveler’s Joy?  Like cameras, video-cameras, guidebooks for travel, LUGGAGE, fun experience gear (like snorkeling), I mean the list goes on and on, you guys.  Love that.

6) Honeymoon Tipster: They have a special service that’s one-on-one, and it helps you decide where to stay after you’ve selected your honeymoon destination.  They’d consult with you over email/phone to learn more about your specific interests, and a freelance travel writer from the team goes and writes a personalized and detailed report on the area that you, the couple, intend to travel to.  (FYI there is a separate fee associated with this optional service.)

7) Special Offer Time!

Remember I mentioned a giveaway?  Here we go: Traveler’s Joy is giving away $5,000 toward a honeymoon or first anniversary trip to one lucky couple that signs up with Traveler’s Joy between January 1, 2013 and April 30, 2013.  (Winner will be notified on May 8, 2013!)

Ok, SO!  Tell me, do you find the concept of the honeymoon registry as stellar an idea as I find it?  What’s your snap judgment?  You don’t have to answer that.. I just want someone to talk to.

xx, Alison

Every time a bride submits her wedding personally, I get a little verklempt.  You understand.

Same deal with today’s wedding; I totally choked up over her email.  And then I took a look at her pictures…

You guys.  I have so much to say about this wedding, that I am completely at a loss for where to start on this wedding.  So I’m going to take a tip from the bride Estefania herself.  The images, shot by the brilliant Fran Russo, shall speaketh for themselves today.

P.S. – happy almost Valentine’s Day, my hunnies!  I hope you love today’s inspiration.  And I hope you aren’t sore at me for being insanely new-house-busy the past couple weeks :(   Anywho, sit tight!  Serious candy-colored V-Day inspiration headed your way tomorrow-style (OBVS).  I think you’re really gonna love what I have to show you!

Some words from Estefania:

I am Estefania, and I live in Barcelona, Spain. I’ve been a huge fan of the knotty bride since I’ve been engaged, and it was a source of inspiration for me! love it! 

We got married in a beautiful Andalusian vineyard, hidden in the mountains of Malaga, it was the perfect place for us, our little paradise…

We decided to get married at sunset, under the shade of a century old oak tree at the hill top and the spot was so magical!! It was a very intimate wedding, only our very close family, so we wanted the guests to feel cozy and loved. We prepare evertything with lot of love, and it really worth!

We had dinner in an Andalusian patio, and light and lanterns crossed all the patio from side to side creating a whimsical atmosphere, and the tables were filled with flower arrangements and candles amongst other small details to make it special. I think we got it right! I loved how the tables looked! We also decided on a table of desires, which was a huge success amongst our guest leaving Cristian and me lots of beautiful memories of this day! It sounds like a topic, but it really was a real fairytale.

^^ One of my fave rituals – Honey and I actually plan to do it.  Plant a tree you guys, it’s so cool!

Thank you to Estefania for sharing your beautiful day.  You both looked STUNNING throughout.  (Can I borrow some genes?)  Congratulations on your fresh newlywed status!

So what did you guys think?  Are you loving the details like I am?

And I’m curious- anyone have plans for Valentine’s Day as of yet?  Are the plans sex?

xx, Alison

Wedding photography: Fran Russo / Bride indoor portrait photography: Diana Segura / Cinematography: Francisco Montoro / Wedding coordinator: Maria Sanchez thanks her, all was so easy and perfect! / Wedding venue: Hotel La fuente del Sol / Bride’s Dress: Pronovias, Pergola / Bride’s Shoes: Badgley Mischka / Sash: Kirsten Khuen / Garter: Florrie Mitton / Groom shoes: Vass Shoes (Budapest) / Groom watch: Patrick Philippe / Groom suit: Hackett / Wedding Stationery: Azulsahara / Flowers: Francisco Perez  from Emi Flowers / Decoration: Azulsahara, the wedding of my dreams, timelesspaper (place cards), Maria Sanchez (Hotel Fuente del Sol)

Let’s be honest.  We’ve all experienced heartbreak on some level at some point in our lives.  It’s a deep searing pain, one that can take on emotional and physical symptoms.  And for many, it can be unbearable.  It can make you lose faith in love.  It can even close you off to it, if you’re not careful.

Sometimes, all it takes is the right type of puppy to help you learn how to feel again.  That’s why next season, ABC is switching things up… with a *new kind* of Bachelor.  One that promises to deliver.

I’ve already trained him to lead on several ladies at a time, now we’re just working on the egg farts.

Got a stellar shoot from The Boudoir Divas for you to mainline today.  Pumped for that.  But first; I’ve been gathering up tips and tricks and smart words in anticipation of this post.  Some are V-Day related, others were just “aha” moments for me as they say.

1. Have you seen Hallmark’s latest ad?  It’s pretty counter-intuitive for Hallmark’s sales, which makes me appreciate it – and them – even more.  The message was simple:

You know those people in your life, who you love?  I know it’s asking a lot but they want to hear you say it.  OUT LOUD.  To their faces.  Cards are great but who needs cards when you can speak, amirite?

Here’s the big lesson about life: Everyone wants to hear the same things, boy or girl.  Mama or papa, sister or brother, daughter or son.  And fortunately, the only hard part is getting past the embarrassment and self-doubt that consumes so many of us and prevents the words from coming out.  It’s scary, I know it because I used to have a lot of trouble with it myself.  For a while I couldn’t kick the belief that saying loving things out loud would somehow compromise the relationships I was in at the time.  Like revealing it would somehow ruin things; make me too clingy-sounding or not enough of a catch.  I was a fucking idiot, you guys.

When it comes to women the rumors are true; we crave words and acts of love from our partners.  But while guys like to act tough, I promise you on what’s left of Bambino’s balls (just the sac) that your man wants you to remind him of what he means to you, too – just as much as you want to be reminded of it.  Seems crazy but it’s a fact.  He wants to hear that he’s still the one, and that you love him just as much as you did when you first met him, back when he had all of his hair… and that the pooch he’s rocking at the moment isn’t compromising any of that.  (See how similar we are?  Guy or girl, we’re all human.)

So maybe skip (or keep to a minimum) the heart-shaped gifts and the teddy bears that creepily speak the words “I Wuv You” when squeezed.  Besides- wouldn’t it be more fun to squeeze and be squeezed, instead?

Tell them that you love them.
Tell them that you miss them.
Tell them they’re still the one.
Tell her she’s still beautiful. Tell him he’s as handsome as ever.  If you have to, LIE on this one.  It’s not like he or she doesn’t know about the extra few pounds they’re rocking right now.  So maybe reinforce the good today!  Choose to let your beloved feel that he or she is enough.

2. How To: Cupcake Hearts!  (Also from the Hallmark commercial!)

Step 1: fill tray with cupcake liners.  Step 2: Pour in batter.  Step 3: Plop one marble into each cupcake hole on the outside of the liner.  Voila!  Cupcakes shaped like hearts!

3. Last but not least, forget the DIY kraft paper doily Valentine when it comes to your lover and instead, show up with your A-Game, ready to bang.

And speaking of looking the part… please enjoy this lovely boudoir session.  My fave ladies The Boudoir Divas totally made our candy-coated boudoir fantasies come true in this shoot, and OMG JUST LOOK-

1) The story behind the shoot is?

One of my very favorite things to do is style a photo shoot, so whenever I get the opportunity I am all over it! Our model Erin is a close friend (and actually works at our studio too!). She is bubbly, girly, and loves all things sparkly, so when styling the shoot I really had her in mind. We wanted her to look cute n’ kitschy, like a box of chocolates! Erin is killer at doing her own make-up and in this shot she is wearing 3 pairs of false eyelashes to really get that pin-up look….and she put them all on herself! That’s talent!

2) The Clothes.  Where dey come from?

Here, there, and everywhere. The vintage looking bodysuit was a cheap little gem I found at Ross, and the sparkly bit was from a random store in vegas. Pretty sure the bow we grabbed from our studio’s Christmas decorations and Erin thought to do the nude fishnets. The best accessory is the Sweethearts Candy boxes, those were actually kinda tricky to find.

3) Any outfit recommendations?

We live and breathe all things girly, lacy and lingerie like, so I was so excited to share a few of my favie picks:

• This birthday suit suspendery getup, from Agent Provocateur.
• In the mood for some bullet cups?  Try this.
• More of a sheer girl?  You might wanna get your hands (and someone else’s hands) all over this.
• It’s not lingerie! But I would still love to shoot someone in this adorable V-day inspired get-up!

4) Any tips for ladies who want a session of their own?

Yes! First is don’t hesitate! Head to BoudoirInternational.com right now and find a reputable photographer in your area. V-day is all about rekindling romance, and we know that not only will this session add spark to your marriage, BUT it will ignite something in you that you may not have known you had. Give yourself the confidence boost of a boudoir shoot! I know, I know, you think you need to lose 5 lbs before your shoot, that’s what every woman who calls us says. But ya know what, that simply ISN’T TRUE! You are gorgeous just as you are, now go spice up your v-day!

xo’s to you all.  much love.  (ps have sex tonight if it’s available to you)

Alison

The Boudoir Divas are a member of TKB’s Vendor Love.  You can explore more of The Boudoir Divas, in our guide.

Today’s my b-day.  I have no idea what to say so I decided to be honest about life and just say what came to mind.  Also I got my period yesterday, which usually means things get pretty emotional pretty fast.  So this post is two parts wedding trends and inspiration, one part deep truths from inside my soul.  Enjoy..?

1. Even though I’ve heard my significant other tell me that he believes I’m up there with all of the most beautiful women in the world, I’ve never really understood how he could be serious, so I always assume he’s 1/8th serious, 7/8ths being sweet and trying to build me up.  This, until I discovered one day the reality of having deep loving affection for another person in your life.  That’s when it *clicked* for me.

..I may never see my face in the same way he does, but knowing more about how he perceives me definitely makes me feel like the baddest bitch when I’m with him (unless I haven’t showered in a while).

2. Sometimes I can get really wrapped up in something- to the point where I’ll have to ask myself, “do you need to be focusing on this right now, or is there something else more pressing you could be doing?” – in an effort to force myself away from whatever project I consider more engaging than the work I have to discipline myself into.  However even after that I’ll still have trouble dropping whatever *more fun* task I’m doing, it’s never easy.

3. The difference in the level of confidence I have about my appearance between when I’ve recently self-tannered my face, and when I haven’t got anything on my face at all, is staggering.  I’m not proud of it but what can you do.

4. The person I most love and adore in this life, aside from my significant other, is my mother.  It’s hard to imagine not having the bond I have with her.  It’s open and connected and I often think about how lost I’d be without her.  She’s kind of my everything, and at the very least my best friend.  And depending on how busy I am on a certain day, she’s also the person to whom I can be the most rude.  Another thing I’m not proud of.

A simple phone call from her, just to catch up on my life, can on occasion metastasize into a situation where I’m anxious to get off the phone and stop talking about myself… and just get back to work.  And there hasn’t been a single call like this after which I haven’t felt heartbreaking guilt, for allowing myself to get like curt like that.  All she wants is to hear about my life and how I’m doing, and for some idiotic reason I sometimes seem to find it ok to get frustrated about time taken away from work.  Anywho I read this article and it clarified it for me, slightly.  I suggest giving it a read if you’re curious about the concept of guilt and how it runs our fucking lives.

5. Don’t ask me why the amount of toilet paper I use on a daily basis varies so greatly, unless you want to know the answer.

Would you tell me something(s) about yourself?  No pressure to share, though.  Only if you feel like expressing.  PS- if you feel compelled, feel free to do a 5 Things About Me post on your own blog.  I’m telling you, it’s pretty cathartic.

And now, this lovely shoot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

From Abbey of AK Studio & Design:

This inspiration shoot brought together an amazing team of wedding vendors to create a gorgeous inspiration shoot for all of the lovely upcoming brides of 2013. The concept is based around five of the upcoming 2013 wedding trends… Braids, Birch, Grayed Jade, Laser Cut, and Chicken Wire. It shoes simple ways that you could integrate these trends into your wedding. For the location we wanted to stay true to the gorgeous surroundings of Southern Utah, but we also wanted to show a twist on the same old red rock that Southern Utah is typically known for. We love this gorgeous natural looking location and are totally in love with the lighting!

As you read above, this shoot concept is based around five of the upcoming 2013 wedding trends…Braids, Birch, Grayed Jade, Laser Cut, and Chicken Wire. We wanted to show simple ways that you could integrate these trends into your wedding. Middle Aisle Wedding Design & Planning did an amazing job at pulling in the design concept and bringing together every element. Which is exactly what you want your wedding planner to do! While trends come and go, and its exciting to integrate these trends into your wedding, you want to be able to do it in a way that will stand the test of time and remain elements that will last as long as your love will.

For the location our design team wanted to make sure that we stayed true to the gorgeous surroundings of Southern Utah, but we wanted to show a different twist on location as well. When most people think of Southern Utah, they instantly think of the gorgeous red rocks of Zion and the surrounding areas. But there is so much more to our beautiful area. We are totally in love with the gorgeous natural look of this location and we are totally obsessed with the lighting of this shoot. AK Studio & Design did an amazing job at capturing all of the gorgeous details and maximizing the gorgeous sun that is a St George Weddings constant.

TABLESCAPE

In order to integrate some of the unique trends of 2013, designer Julie from Middle Aisle brought together a combination of classic choices and unique twists to put together an eye-catching tablescape perfect for your upcoming wedding. Along with help from Bloomers, Sweet Cakes By Karen, and Alex Obering Design she was able to put together a gorgeous table presentation. One of our favorite elements included the different hues of Grayed Jade. Creating this varied palette gives your wedding palette depth and visual interest. Many times brides focus on one shade of their favorite color, but by bringing in multiple different shade it creates a wedding that is much more appealing. We also love the complimentary rich shades that were brought onto the table in the floral and glass wear. That bold contrast is gorgeous. We also totally love the touches of birch. Many brides probably think of birch as a rustic element only suited for country weddings, but Julie has shown how it has a much more widespread reach and can add a great texture to even the most elegant of tablescapes. Julie did a great job at integrating many different elements into the tablescape, but also keeping simplicity throughout so you can enjoy each tiny touch.

We are also excited to give a shout out to some of the great Etsy vendors we were able to work with during this shoot. We absolutely love the laser cut cupcake wrappers by Back To Zero, the gorgeous bride & groom signs on the back of the sweet heart chairs by Come Uppance, and the amazing beautiful quote cut out from Julene.

FLORAL

We are so incredibly in love with the floral for this inspiration shoot. Bloomers did an amazing job and we love Kathy’s ability to take every arrangement to the next level of beauty. You never get the ordinary when you include Bloomers in your wedding, so expect the unique and amazing. Kathy took the element of Grayed Jade (aka mint) and brought the literal element into this inspiration shoot with mint leaves in the floral elements. We love the gorgeous touch it brings to the bohemian look of this shoot. From the brides hair sprigs, to the bouquet with bold colors and texture, to the gorgeous floral arrangements ..we are in love with every element and their eye catching appeal. One of very favorite touches was the gorgeous wreaths for the sweethearts table. They not only added a bold eye catching element to the tablescape, they also smelled divine and gave a gorgeous ambiance to the wedding set up.

FASHION

One of our favorite elements of this shoot is of course this gorgeous couple, and we love their amazing attire. Celebrate the Occasions is a full service boutique specializing in gorgeous wedding gowns and amazing looking suits and tuxes and we think this bride and groom look just perfect. We love the soft touch and clean look of the grooms suit. More and more suits are becoming the top pick of grooms out there, bringing in a regal look and simple class to the grooms attire. Tuxes are not the only option, and we have to admit, we love a great suit! But of course the bride and her amazing dress totally steal the show. We love the gorgeous tulle skirt and its soft flowing elegance. The wide satin band and sweetheart neckline is beautiful, but our very favorite element of this gorgeous gown is the cut-out-lace jacket. For brides who are wanting a slightly modest look, this is a beautiful option. We also love the see through lace because it reminds us of the laser cut trend that is so popular in 2013 weddings. Along the laser cut lines, we are a huge fan of the gold shimmered laser cut earrings that the bride is wearing. A perfect Etsy find, we are totally in love with Emily Wren and all her laser cut designs.

WEDDING CAKE

When you are choosing a wedding cake, you want to make sure you choose the very best. And one of the best in the industry is most definitely Sweet Cakes By Karen. She brings every brides wedding cake dreams to life with amazing creativity. We love how she took the element of Grayed Jade and put together not one, but three amazing cakes for this inspiration shoot. These days just about anything goes with wedding cakes, and we love the ideas of three totally different, yet coordinating, cakes and how they create an amazing visual centerpiece for your wedding. With each having unique textures and elements to them, it is hard to pick a favorite. Ruffles, pleats, fans…there is just so much to love. But these days you don’t have to pick just one! So go ahead all you gorgeous brides…have three cakes!

PAPER DETAILS

We are absolutely in love with the gorgeous paper details of the inspiration shoot and absolutely love how their simplicity and design bring every element together. Alex Obering Design is extremely talented and has such unique ideas to create flawless paper details for your wedding. We love the wreath element she included and how it tied together the gorgeous wreaths made by Bloomers. The color palette is perfect and by including the Grayed Jade and the deep raspberry pink on the invitation it gives a preview to what to expect in the other details. When creating your own wedding invitation this is a great way to give your guests a sneak peek to your upcoming wedding. We also love how she has been able to give the paper details a slightly rustic and yet completely elegant look and feel to compliment the session. One of our favorite elements is the adorable sweets sign. Paper details are a growing trend in weddings, and having these little elements at your wedding are the finishing touches that pulls your complete wedding look together.

We also want to give a little shout out to another one of our fabulous Etsy Vendors. We are so incredibly in love with the gold laser cut invitation wrap by Two Paper Dolls. These are simply to die for and are a unique touch that would make your guests ohh and ahh.

HAIR & MAKEUP

There are just not words to describe how incredibly in love with are with the gorgeous brides look. Everything is pure perfection. Julie Thomas Style is amazing and she does a beautiful job each time we are able to work with her. Braids are one of the biggest trends for weddings in 2013, and we absolutely love how she integrated the braid into the also very popular halo style. This soft feminine look went along perfectly with the shoot. We are also completely head over heels with the brides makeup. She looks amazingly flawless. Many brides don’t rely on a makeup artist to help them with their bridal, and we cannot recommend hiring a professional enough. This is your one day to look perfect and a professional hair and makeup stylist can help you achieve that by finding the right colors, styles, and looks for your big day. Julie Thomas Style did an amazing job of giving the bride a classic look, incredibly perfect skin, and that gorgeous berry lip that makes her just pop!

Got some questions for you:

Are you into any of the killer trends in this shoot?  Or are you more of a *not really into trends* kind of person..?

Also: would love to hear some things about yourself, per my little “Things About Me” confessional up top.  If you feel like it, only.  Hoping you don’t think I’m a terrible person after reading it..!?

much love & affection,

Alison

One more thing.  I’m obsessed with everything about the Valentine’s Day episode of Glee.  And you’re talking to someone who hasn’t watched Glee for several seasons.  This: 

… and this…

Photography: AK Studio & Design / Submitted via: Two Bright Lights / Design & Planning: Middle Aisle / Floral: By Bloomers / Cakes: Sweet Cakes By Karen / Paper Details: Alex Obering / Fashion: Celebrate the Occasions / Hair & Makeup – Julie Thomas Style / Videography: MJ Films

I love having fresh greens around.  But, as we all know, having fresh flowers around the house gets pretty pricey pretty fast.  Herbs, however, are only about $1-$2 a sprig (or free if you grow them yourself!) and can make just as much of an impact.  An herb arrangement makes for super practical home decor/centerpieces and are a great quick fix if you’re needing to add a little more green to your display!

What you’ll need: 
- A bunch of herbs! (everything in the photo above cost me around $10)
- Assorted vases / cans / jars

The key with herbs is mixing textures.  Since they all tend to be in the same color range, texture is what is really going to give definition to your arrangement — without varying textures, all the pretty details get lost and your bouquet may end up looking more like a bush.  Start by making a few different combinations, taking note of the ones you like — a couple I ended up with were a sage/rosemary/thyme combo and a dill/sage/rosemary combo.  I find that dill and rosemary play well with almost everything due to their unique shape/texture!

Gather your vases (smaller is better, so the herbs don’t get swallowed by the containers), add a bit of water…

Start playing around and use your creativity!  There’s no right or wrong way with these, just trim and tweak until they’re to your liking — even throw in a couple fresh flowers for some extra life!

Look! I even made my very first vine video for you guys in honor of this post — you can view it here :)  What do you think?

Renee

On the lookout for more fun things to do/read?  Go check out everything Renee’s created for readers of TKB since the beginning of time of when she started doing it.  YayYUH!

*ticket no longer avail; sorry!*

So, I’m in the rare position of having more than one Alt Summit (NYC) ticket to my name, and having to unload one of them.  I bought the second one because I know how hard it can be to get a ticket and I love lending a helping hand lol just kidding.  It’s an extra and I don’t need it.  Pretty much the way this will go is the first person to reach out – assuming payment of the total cost of the ticket is easily arranged once I’ve been able to reach out back to you – gets the ticket.

I promise I will get back to every person who writes me.

I’m truly sorry in advance to everyone who doesn’t get the extra. I wish I had a tree that bloomed Alt Summit tickets you guys :(

Click here for my contact info (write to Alison)*

*Please keep emails to under five sentences.  Sob stories welcome but will likely have no impact.

If you don’t get this one, I hope you find one somewhere else.  I would love to meet all of you at this thing, how cool would that be.

A

me again.

So you know that thing where you feel like you’re alone in a feeling, and the feeling starts to take over your entire world, and you feel sort of stuck and hopeless?  And then out of nowhere you read something written by someone who’s gone through the same thing, and it makes you realize you’re actually *not* weird and alone, but instead totally normal to be feeling and thinking these things?  And then you feel all relaxed and free all of a sudden, ready to conquer it all?  That’s what happened to me when I read the write-up from Margaret, today’s bride, about how she first saw the task of planning her wedding.

I found him behind the couch today, doing high kicks?

Anybody else’s male dog raise his leg inside just for kicks, but when it’s time to pee looks like this?

Ok, back to the wedding.  Here’s a little something from Jonas Seaman, the person to thank for submitting this hella amaze wedding situation:

Hi Knotty Bride! I’m so excited to submit this one to you! Margaret & Bridger live in Hollywood where they work in the entertainment industry. They decided to have a destination wedding in one of their favorite spots… the middle of nowhere, Utah. Actually, it’s a little town called Boulder… but really, it’s in the middle of nowhere. It’s a 4 hour drive from SLC into canyon country. They had the ceremony itself in an even more remote spot just off a mountain highway in a grove which overlooks a valley of canyons below. This is not a place labelled on any map. It’s a spot they had wandered into one day and said, “Yes. When we get married… this is were it will be.” In fact, the only way guests could get there was by walking up the mountain highway from a rest stop further down. They built a wedding aisle from tree branches. Margaret told her bridesmaids that the color pallet was yellow and to choose their own dresses to fit that theme. The Bridesmaids all walked barefoot down the aisle. The reception was held further down the road at the Hell’s Backbone Grill. They laid long tables end to end to make one huge single dinner table. Small lights and chandeliers were strung up into the trees. They decorated with plants and succulents they brought from home. They also decorated another table with kick-knacks, an antique typewriter, and gift boxes boxes full of favors for the guests. Some more DIY elements- Margaret designed her wedding dress for the day and had it made for her by ReVamp Vintage. One of her best friends designed the beaded headpiece that Margaret wore. It was such a beautiful evening!

From Margaret:

i never thought i would have it in me to organize/create/execute a wedding like the ones i had been to or even one that i’d be excited to call mine/ours. my friends have been getting married since i was 18 years old. i’ve been to so many. the thought of it was simply too overwhelming to actually consider. from both a financial standpoint as well as a creative standpoint. being unique is important to both myself and bridger and to think of all that goes into planning a wedding – all the details that are really important from the music, to the vows….it was just too much for me to wrap my mind around. so i always thought i’d just have a simple party at a beautiful restaurant with a few cherished family and friends.

things changed after we got engaged. i would stumble upon wedding blogs or spreads in magazines bc i just couldn’t help myself and begin to realize that there are so many creative ways to get around the obstacles. that there are so many countless other couples out there who are just like me with the same worries as i have. so i just took it one step at a time to avoid feeling overwhelmed. we started big picture and honed from there. i began to think of all the thoughts i had about logistics of other weddings i had been to that i would have done differently….for example – it made me sad that, as a bridesmaid, i couldn’t ever see the bride’s face. while it was lovely to have a perfect view of her partner, what i really wanted was to see the look on my fabulous friends’ faces as they committed to forever and always. so i knew i wanted my bridesmaids to stand on the grooms side so that they could see my face and i could see theirs as well. i also thought it would be funny to hand my bouquet to one of the groomsmen and make him stand there with it throughout the ceremony. made for a fun photo! we knew we wanted our wedding to be unique and memorable because of those unique details – we knew that both of us were a less traditional couple – so i googled alternative brides/weddings and i happened upon a site where i read an article about an insanely rad photographer who would become our wedding photographer – Jonas Seaman. i still get comments from people about how truly amazing Jonas was. how awesome the photos were and how intimate and EPIC it looked. things like that were really what got me going and fueled me throughout the process. i told my friends/bridesmaids what ideas i had and they were supremely helpful in sending me pictures and inspiration…honestly, blogs really helped. bridger, my husband, is so creative in all aspects of the word. he was also super involved which is a blessing in so many ways. if you are lucky enough to be marrying a man who wants to participate in the planning, my advice is to let go of control and let him create with you. it makes it all so much more special doing it together and after it’s all over with, to both feel like you created this amazing party/event/memory TOGETHER.

our wedding was in a very remote place in southern utah called Boulder Town. We not only chose this place for the amazing scenery, but because we fell in love with a local restaurant called “The Hell’s Backbone Grill.” They catered our reception, and did an amazing job. The restaurant is attached to the Boulder Mountain Lodge which had perfect grounds for the event and was also where the entire bridal party stayed for the weekend. I have always been in love with succulents and because of the hot arid climate in Boulder we decided to make them part of our arrangements. bridger and i went to a huge flea mkt in pasadena and found 60 baby succulents for $50. we bought them in february and potted them in inexpensive ceramic pots, painted the pots as we wished and grew them until our wedding in august. by that time, they were huge and really quite beautiful! those doubled as center pieces as well as thank you gifts for guests to take home. i also loved that they were a labor of love both bridger and i worked on together. saved us a bundle too. i did the same for my bridal bouquet. i am in love with the dark purple/almost black aeonium succulents. i purchased a plant and potted it in february and by august, i had all kinds of smaller buds as well as one huge bud flower to work with. i cut off enough for all my bouquets and maintained them by wrapping the stems in wet cloths and keeping them damp. worked beautifully. to supplement all those, i decided to take advantage of the city i live in. los angeles has a wonderful wholesale flower mkt – so i would go on sat mornings and buy wholesale and put together different bouquets and arrangements myself to hone in on my stlye – i made a girls night out of it with friends who wanted to help. turns out i really loved flowers that looked vintage and simple – and also dried nicely. so about 3 weeks out, i purchased various flowers like billy balls and air plants in seed pods, aeonium succulents and dried them myself. i ended up only spending about $130 on fresh flowers which were picked up a few days before by my lovely parents and preserved in water in their really cold hotel room until our wedding day came. worked like a charm. We also slowly over this time began collecting old small glass bottles from flea markets and garage sales to function as bud vases for the reception. Bridger really wanted the reception dinner to feel communal so we decided to arrange all of the tables end to end to create one giant long table for everyone to eat at together. We bought a bulk roll of burlap online and used it as a runner down the center of the table to but all the small vases and succulents on. The table numbers were antique price flags from the inside of an old cash register that we stuck into the soil of the potted succulents, also courtesy of a flea market. The wooden benches from the dinner table doubled as seating for the ceremony.

one unique way i kept tabs on rsvps was this: i knew i wanted a little sweet treat by everyone’s plate during reception dinner. i bought small kraft boxes from etsy /amazon and a stamp that had each letter of the alphabet and each time someone’s rsvp came, i’d stamp their name onto the box and set aside. once everyone rsvp’d, i had my list of guests as well as their sweet treat container made. 2 in 1!

we got married in a lovely little clearing on a mountaintop surrounded by aspens. because of this, i had no place to sit unseen by bridger before the ceremony with all my ladies. this was very important for me – to be able to toast bubbly with my girls before getting married. in a perfect world, i would have been able to afford the $5K stunning white carnival style tent. but we couldn’t. so bridger decided to make one. he borrowed a friends ‘pop-up tent’ and bought some white canvas online for ~ $180 to drape over it, and some inexpensive curtain panels from Ikea. he and his friends put it up the day before the event and some of my more creative friends decorated it with things they made for me as a surprise. it couldn’t have been more perfect! the fact that it was all a collective effort by all our friends and family made it so much more special than the one i originally wanted.

hilarious/emotional happenings: i didn’t get two steps down the aisle before i was uncontrollably crying. i was so overwhelmed by seeing Bridger and all my favorite people there before me, father at my side….it was just so emotional for me! However, i am not a beautiful crier so it needed to stop quick! well, that wasn’t happening so, my hilarious cousin Edgar -doubling as our fabulous officiant- decided to quote one of my favorite movies and lines of all time – “Mawwage” from The Princess Bride. it made everyone laugh, but most importantly, it cracked me up and really cut the tension and helped me breathe and calm down. that kind of laughter at the very beginning filled me up so much …. there’s really nothing better than laughter through tears. i’m so so so grateful to him for having the presence of mind and sense of humor to step in and do that. it couldn’t have been more perfect. it also tied in so well with our desire for a non-traditional / memorable feel.

bridger and have friends and family who don’t share the same views on religion. to be respectful of everyone, including ourselves, we passed around our rings among the guests and asked them to bless the rings in any way they wanted to -prayer/chant/thought/wish – that way, they were able to feel connected and involved in our ceremony in the way they identified most with.

I told all my bridesmaids that i wanted each of them to dress in the outfit of their choosing. i just gave them a choice of 1 or 2 colors to wear. i love each of them for their unique style and personality so i really wanted them to look like themselves as opposed to being uniform.

groomsmen were asked to wear dark gray pants, white button shirts, suspenders and bowties of their choosing. bridger provided their footwear compliments of converse with their initials on them. a rad touch and their thank you gift!

i knew i wanted my dress to be mine and only mine. i knew i wanted it to be lace and have a vintage look/feel. while I enjoyed drinking wine and being pampered w/ all my girls at super upscale wedding dress salons, I didn’t care much for the pushiness and just couldn’t afford the prices that accompanied them. I simply did a google search for vintage dress shops/makers in los angeles and voila! Annemarie von Firley of ReVamp Vintage was my first and last stop. I also loved the idea of designing my own dress! she was exactly what I was looking for. she made me feel way less overwhelmed by offering style suggestions for my body and explaining precisely how the fit would look and recommended great fabric stores once we settled on the design. her prices were extremely reasonable and I felt absolutely beautiful in the dress she made for me! what i loved the most about her is that she will create your design first out of an inexpensive muslin so you can tweak as many times as you need. Then once you’ve decided, she will take the final fabric and begin. This way, you’re 100% settled on the design and know and can SEE what it will look like before she gets started. i purchased the lace from Sposabella lace in NYC. this was a purchase done over the phone after grilling the owner for quite some time about the different lace he had and the look i was going for. i was uber nervous purchasing something as important as my wedding dress fabric sight unseen, but the gods smiled down upon me and it ended up being exactly what i wanted if not better…

i knew i wanted my shoes to be as comfortable as possible, yet still stylish and affordable. (Seychelles)

my headpiece was something one of my bridesmaids made for me. I gave her a picture of this Jenny Packham headpiece and asked her to do her thing! we literally went to michael’s, purchased the beads and other necessary ingredients and voila! she is extremely creative and makes all kinds of wonderful crafty gifts. her name is Shannon Foley and she’s on etsy.

bridger had his suit made by a tailor in los angeles and it was perfectly handsome.

colors: mustard yellow and gray with some tiny accents of poppy red.

You guys.  I’m crushing so hard on this wedding that it’s unhealthy.  I need to take a breather so it’s your turn to talk..

What think you?  And did you read her write-up because you should, it’s GOOD.

much love and hugs,

Alison

Photography: Jonas Seaman Photography / Submitted via: Two Bright Lights / Caterer: Hell’s Backbone Grill / Event Coordinator: Day Of Gal  / Reception Venue: Hell’s Backbone Grill / Dress Designer: ReVamp Vintage / Headpiece: Shannon Foley (bridesmaid) / Bride & Groom rings + engagement ring: Single Stone / Footwear: Seychelles / Second Shooter: Mary Williamson

So if you’re anything like me:

1) To be productive you need either a million cacophonous voices filling a room, continuous music that is exclusively instrumental, or complete silence.  It’s one of those or you’re not getting any work done that day.

2) You try to multitask things that shouldn’t be multitasked, creating more work.  This morning I grabbed the coffee pot to pour a cup of coffee with my left hand but decided simultaneously to grab the spent coffee filter with my right hand (and if you’ve ever handled a wet, thin filter filled with finely ground coffee beans in it), but when I realized my foot couldn’t do its part in opening the trashdoor under the sink (this is when my brain caught up with my body) it forced me to set one thing down, just to keep things moving forward.  So I set it in the nearest place which was the sink.  <== making more work for myself (but also had a laugh at myself, so, *worth it*)

3) You can’t resist checking URL availability for every neat business name/idea that pops in your head. and each time the url is parked. and if it’s available you 9 times out of 10 don’t buy it because who has time.

4) You’re taking a hiatus from reading anything about pregnancy/labor/delivery so that you can get into a mindspace of actually wanting/looking forward to having the child(ren) of your future, should you be so lucky/(unlucky ???)

(Ignorance truly was bliss.)

5) You love a good photo editing app on your phone, whether it be for use with your blog, your design portfolio, for I guess scrapbooking, just for fun, really any reason under the sun that you’d find yourself in need of hot-ass photo editing tools that make shit pretty.

AND FINALLY… 6) You tend to take a lot of pictures with your phone. Probably to a point where you’re questioning if you need to stop taking so many pictures with your phone, or loved ones are feeling compelled to say something to you, like “phone. down. now.” and such.

I feel terrible contributing to what I see everywhere around me, which is people’s faces in their phones.  I make eye contact with like 8% of the pedestrians I pass on walks in the city now, compared to that time in history not too long ago before we all started spending every day in front of a computer screen.  And it’s not like you escape it in the creative industry; I spend MORE time in front of my computer now than I ever did working for the Man.  It’s actually kind of sad when you think about it.  So I try not to think about it for too long!  We all used to communicate so much more! out in public and at home.  Yikes. *everyone has a good cry; continues reading..*

Ok, SO!  Today we’ll be discussing a couple of MVPs on my iphone’s screen: the VSCO app and the AfterLight (formerly AfterGlow) app.

Popular software maker Visual Supply Co developed the VSCO Cam app, while AfterLight is the brainchild of Simon Filip.  Both are currently priced at $0.99.  These two babies are the duo that essentially get me through my day, both for pleasurable distraction and for photos I intend to share with family and friends.  AfterLight and VSCO are my co-maids of honor if we’re talking frequency of use/affection for.  They do the job, do it well, and they do it every time.  And they wear the goddamn dress I TELL THEM TO WEAR.

The filters/adjustment tools I use most often and find key to a functional core knowledge of the two apps, are all employed in this blog post through visual examples of shit in my home.

Aright, let’s do this!

Ew.

That’s a picture I took of a cookie I ate today.  You probably can’t tell but it was tasty thank you for asking; especially for a gluten free cookie AMIRITE GLUTEN INTOLERANTS (where my intolerants at).  A really big thank you to our friend Ari (hi Ari!) for making them from scratch; u r nice my friend! <– attn. single ladies in NYC: a man who makes gluten free cookies from scratch and leaves them in their friends’ freezer to be kind not only exists, but is on the market, no seriously.

Ok back to what I saying.  That up there is the original pic I took with my phone – I call it, “my hands are dry and there’s chocolate (or something more sinister) under my thumbnail.”  I gave it this name because, well two things.  So there is a delicious fresh-baked piece of warm gooey cookie in the foreground right?  Even MORE cookie behind it not to mention a stripy bamboo eating utensil because HIP, MUST BE HIP – yet still all I can see are the coffee stains on the counter, the patch of dry skin on ma thumbsywumsy, and the speck of dirt under my nail *throws up*

Who wants to see dry skin holding/hanging out nearby dessert food? I think we all know it’s NO ONE, that’s who.  Let’s make this person’s hand more socially acceptable shall we?

…not too shabby on the left.  But wait, there’s more!

More?!!!

That’s right!  You, too, can have crisp, clear photos just by refining your VSCO app edits with a little tool I obsess over called ‘Sharpening,’ found in the AfterLight app.  Omg you’re gonna die when you see this.  Prepare to faint from the shock:

You’ll notice: I typically edit first in VSCO, save that image & then edit that newly edited image in AfterLight.  I find it is the most effective approach, for me.  Tho I do want to note- definitely don’t stick to any rules when editing your photos; play around! There’s no right way to do it, obvs.  Besides there are so many other cool features of these apps that you simply *must* take part in.  Like for example AfterLight has triangle cut-outs.  THEY HAVE TRIANGLE CUT-OUTS, PEOPLE.  And lots more.

MAKING A DRESS / ART INSTALLATION *POP*, OR SOME SHIT

The step by step process:

MORE COOKIE EDITING

—–

Arighty so I hope you liked this installment of the new tutorial / cool apps series, lemme know if you want more like this- thanks!

Question Time:

Have you used VSCO / AfterLight already?  Do you like?

Do you hate photo editing apps with all your heart and feel that they should burn in hell for all eternity, the sons of bitches?

Do you love warm, gooey chocolate chip cookies?  Me too.

Out of all the apps on your phone, what’s your FAVE app, right now.  Personally I’m a huge fan of Pandora, I bet you’ve heard of it.  Great music app that works around your taste in music.  But pandora please- less music perfectly curated around my likes and interests. I’m trying to WORK, here.

much love and hugs you guys!

-Alison

I just ended a blog title in a preposition so, it’s been that kind of day.  Good thing I have this opportunity to share with you, it really brings a huge toothy smile to my face OMG I SWEAR TO YOU, PUN NOT INTENDED.  God you’ll never believe me though.  Meh.

Last day for casting: Friday 3/15/2013

If getting a great smile for nothin’, blogging for Martha Stewart Weddings online AND appearing in Martha Stewart Weddings magazine all together appeal to your sensibilities, then this one my dear friend, this one’s definitely for you (everyone reads on including me…)

I know I know.  It’s an awkward thing to talk about your mouth.

Really, when it comes down to it, you’re not human if you don’t want to have a really nice smile; one that you’ll feel like people wanna look at (oh god the grammar today, I am so sorry you guys).. it’s just the way it is.  And since not everyone has the time or the money or the 100% lack of abject fear, all of which are necessary, in unison, to engage in the bettering of one’s chomper situation, things like this beauty suddenly come into play and are truly lifesavers.  (Quick story: I literally waited 3 years before my most recent teeth-cleaning couple months ago – don’t do that btw, was not a picnic – and I had approximately a lot of cavities it turned out.  I was SHOCKED.  You need to keep those teeth on the up and up, guys!)

Anyway, I felt visceral excitement when we were presented with this partnership, and I certainly felt great about bringing it to the blog’s big fat pink face.  I hope some people who are searching for this kind of experience get to read this post!  It’s a personal thing for me because I know from experience how life-changing a good straight coupla rows of teeth can be/do to change your world.  It’s beyond words and measure.

Now I realize I’m being a little repetitive but here’s all the info written out, if you’re not into images-with-text-information-in-them…

We’re Looking for Two Brides-to-Be!

Martha Stewart Weddings is looking to cast two brides-to-be who would like to straighten their teeth before their wedding to participate in this exciting initiative.  If chosen, you will:

·         Receive free professional treatment from a well-known company to straighten your teeth.

·         Be a regular guest-blogger on MSW.com and appear in Martha Stewart Weddings magazine to share your experiences getting ready for your wedding.

To be considered for this opportunity, please email the following to marketing@marthastewart.com:

• Your name
• Wedding date
• City of residence
• 2-3 photos of your yourself (at least one showing your smile)
• A few sentences about why you’d like to participate.

Last day for casting: Friday 3/15/2013

We look forward to hearing from you!

- The team at Martha Stewart Weddings

I’m just curious.  Have any of you ever had some work done to your teeth, like braces (raises hand) or whatever other work there is for teeth?  The change was phenomenal, right?  Changes your whole disposition.  Aright I’ll shut up now.

xx, and good luck my friendlies..

Alison

Guys I need to talk about rape for a minute, sorry.  If you don’t want to hear it I honestly won’t mind, I get that many visit here for one part honest talk, four parts pretties and laughter, and I respect that.  It’s just if I don’t cleveland steamer this thing onto the internet’s chest I am going to start jamming a remote up my ass.  Or worse, this.

I couldn’t figure out how to start this post, so I took a shower as they always prove to be a great place for generating ideas.  Probably has something to do with massaging every inch of your body’s pressure points but it’s definitely possible I have no idea what I’m talking about.  Anyway the shower worked like a charm.  I know how to talk to the internet about this rape thing now.  Yaaay.  Can’t wait.

Btw, if I know anything about myself I’m going to try to make you laugh even in this post.  Please no letters.  To people who’d rather not read on, das kewl.  I’m about there myself, I get it – Off the bat I can suggest to you Bambino’s dedicated category if you need a heaping spoonful of puppy cuteness, or this new personal picks category I’ve been curating if you want some good, yummy reads that make little to no mention of rape (no promises).  Conversely, if you like intense topics I can suggest In Real Life.  Ok now let’s get to it.

A big part of me thinks people think rapists use condoms.  It’s the only way I can explain away the narrow focus of the public discourse that follows each time something like Steubenville happens.  We focus on the sex, and the motives.  It makes for a fun spectacle worthy of the nation’s attention.  We usually break down into five coed groups, too: the big group yelling she’s a whore/was asking for it and deserved to get fucked; the big group yelling that all men are pigs/can’t be trusted; the big group moving on like it never happened; the small group that have a platform on which to discuss the issue with their audience and do; and the small group (I’m in this last group) that have a platform on which to discuss the issue with their audience and hesitate.  I’ve been in this last group for a while.  In fact I’m still extremely unsure about writing this, as I write this.  ’Rape’ is a bad word right now.  You just *know* that you’re not supposed to talk about it.  Gets people down.  Doesn’t sell product.  Makes people uncomfortable.

Knowing all of that, I simply have to move forward.  It’s enveloping the thoughtful parts of my brain like a thick mist; there’s a reason for this and it almost always means ‘write about that thing.’  Writer’s block is best solved by honesty I’ve found; you don’t run out of things to say when you have no fear in saying things.

A big topic, I will keep my words about it succinct and approachable.  (Or at least I’ll be trying to do that.)

I want one thing right now:

I want the discourse to start including the disease-spreading, impregnation, longterm emotional impact and extreme pain aspects of unwelcomed penetration by another human being.  Huge societal shifts in thinking don’t happen overnight, but they do require a sustained, lively discussion in the public eye.  And right now we have people out there who strongly believe that women should just accept the hand – or more likely dick, they’ve been dealt.  Has she been seen drinking underage?  Deserved it.  Was she wearing a sexy dress?  Deserved it.  Was she seen flirting with a boy earlier in the night?  Asking for it.  Did she get raped?  No big whoop it’s just sex, she’ll get over it.  Bet she even wanted it.

It worries me that there are humans who don’t understand (or perhaps don’t care to acknowledge) that rape isn’t always about “did she clearly say no?” “did she clearly give consent?” “is she unsure what happened, and maybe lying?”  That is definitely a very rampant scenario these days, but it’s one of countless scenarios.  Try being murdered from the inside with a steel bar.  Try being banged every night by a relative and never telling anyone because you’ve been threatened with death, or told “no one will believe you.”  Or try being penetrated in places you’ve never dreamed and by multiple people, as you drift in and out of consciousness.  Try being suffocated to death with an appendage.  Try being impregnated after a sexual experience you didn’t want, tried to fight off, OR more likely just went along with out of fear of the alternative.  And then try reading the latest headline about male AND female lawmakers making it harder for girls and women to seek termination of pregnancy, specifically in cases of rape and incest.

Sometimes being a girl is a trip, you guys.  LOL so you’re saying if I’m raped, and I get pregnant, you’re actively working to make it harder for me to get unbiased medical care and limit my options for handling it.  Oh ok, cool, that’s cool.  Wait wait wait wait wait… so you’re saying all of that, but that also I don’t get any financial help to raise the child I don’t want, not from the government, not even from the rapist?  In-ter-es-ting.  Hmm, that’s a thinker!  I think the best solution to this is stay in my room all day and not risk it.

I truly want to pop a cap inside of an ass every time I read an article about a professional athlete, known rapist or high school quarterback, with an accuser who’s suddenly dropping all charges.  Or the thing when the woman is brave enough to move forward with the charges (despite the impending societal backlash should the case garner media attn), and she bravely sits in a courtroom across from her attacker(s) (something immeasurably difficult and understood only by those who have lived through some sort of physical violation of their right to exist without getting manhandled in the dark on concrete), endures a usually ruthless cross-examination by defense lawyers publicly and without mercy with regard to her private sexual history, and then after all of that, the case reaches a verdict and then this girl must live with the physical and emotional scars of being torn apart by dicks and arms and whatever else got stuck inside of her without her consent.  And after allllll of that, she sees that a network like CNN is painting it as a sad story of two young men with such promising futures, Poppy Harlow.  (Poppy knows what she did.)  It’s the cherry on top of one delicious ice cream sundae.

You guys, more than anything I just want people to start recognizing the act of rape for what it really is, and that’s a fragrant bouquet of the following:

• bad
• scary
• painful
• disease-spreading
• pregnancy-causing
• emotionally ruinous
• destructive to existing relationships
• extremely isolating
• lifelong sense of concern over impending doom that lurks around the corner or outside the window
• etc. etc. etc.

To wrap up..

I’m worried that half of the people who end up reading this, who don’t know me the way my readers know me, will write this post off as hyper feminist.  That’s fine.  It is feminist.  But I want to make a point of not confusing ‘offering a platform for an honest public talk about rape’ with the made up concept of ‘militant feminism,’ or even just plain old guy bashing.  Seriously, if suddenly people stopped raping people don’t you think girls would gladly shut up about it?  I HATE TALKING ABOUT RAPE, believe it or not.  I don’t know if you know this but it’s terrible dinner party conversation.  Clears the room.

In conclusion… all it is has ever been about, is this:

I love exploring my surroundings on foot, and taking solo strolls at sunset on cool summer days.  I love road trips, and reading a book under the shade of a tree in a barren field.  I love being by myself with my thoughts, because it’s when I’m all by my lonesome that I figure things out, in my life.  Solitude and earthly exploration have always been paramount to personal growth.  It’s something women are probably more painfully aware of than men, though.  Because we can’t have it.  Not the way dudes do.  I may look relaxed as I walk our dog after dark, but what you don’t know is I’m scanning my surroundings at all times, and with the precision of a sniper who’s seen war and come back from it scathed.  Because I can tell you that, as a woman, once that line has been crossed by someone who doesn’t recognize you as deserving of a say.. there’s just no real coming back from that.  Not all the way at least.

Ok, so.  My goal with this post was to create a safe place for open discussion and sharing of thoughts, even if the thoughts are just “yup, this.” Or “rape sucks” or whatever.  There are no rules.  I just want ladies to feel like they can share what’s really on their minds.  That’s the only option a lot of people – a lot of women – have, for talking about this.

ps- please go easy on me if you think this was too much.

Thanks for listening, friendlies.

Alison

Btw: since the verdict was announced, the girl’s been getting death threats, naturally.  Also FoxNews accidentally released her name, so.  Delightful and hardly rage-inducing.  Oo and it might pique (not peak, not peek) your interest to learn that one of the boy’s lawyers will be arguing the boy’s brain wasn’t developed enough to understand that rape isn’t something you should do.  Go, society!

So yeah, we’re probably fine I wouldn’t worry.  Rape culture shmape schmulture.

“So this is how the story goes…

Let’s start with the morning before the wedding. I was totally prepared. The last thing I needed to do was get a mani and pedi with my girls. I went to pick up my fiance’s sister first. She hops in the car and hands me a baby sippy cup, she has one for herself as well. My mind was already mush from all of the wedding planning so I didn’t question it. I start driving to our nail appointment and take a sip from my sippy cup at a red light.

Whataya know!!! It’s a margarita!”

… is how today’s bride, Randi, starts out her wedding story. So yes, I love this girl. Enjoy her wedding because I did to infinity and beyond.

Thanks to Michelle of Michelle Sullivan Photography for submitting the loveliness that ensues below. Such an inspiring day, so inspiringly captured.

My wedding day was the best day of my life thus far! I poured everything I had into my wedding in the hopes that this day would be fun, comfortable, easy, beautiful and above beyond what I could have ever dreamt up. So this is how the story goes…

Let’s start with the morning before the wedding. I was totally prepared! The last thing I needed to do was get a mani and pedi with my girls (bridesmaids).

I went to pick up my fiance’s sister first. She hops in the car and hands me a baby sippy cup, she has one for herself as well. My mind was already mush from all of the wedding planning so I didn’t question it. I start driving to our nail appointment and take a sip from my sippy cup at a red light. Whataya know!!! It’s a margarita! I have now just broken the law by drinking and driving the day before my wedding, thanks to my Sister to Be! Fast forward to after the mani and pedi, the girls and I decide to get a drink with the five minutes we had to spare before heading off to the wedding rehearsal.

We show up to the wedding rehearsal, a little buzzed. My brother was on the same page with a 30 pack of beer in hand. Maybe we were all a little nervous… well NOT ANYMORE! Few more drinks down, when I’m finally starting to relax, it’s time for the wedding rehearsal! Okay, well, I had opted out of having a wedding planner so it was up to me to tell everyone the drill. I didn’t really think this through all the way soooo I’m drunk now, having to tame what seemed like a circus. Believe it or not (I still can’t) the groomsmen totally stepped up to the plate and took over the rehearsal… why they knew what to do, I still have no idea!

Tip #1: Don’t accept odd drinks from Sister to Be/Don’t get drunk before the wedding rehearsal!

The morning of the wedding, of course I was nervous but mostly excited. All my girls show up on time at the hotel, it’s time for makeup and hair! Turned out to be a stressful morning:
• I sit down to get my hair done by a friend/hair stylist, first thing she says to me, “okay so what are we doing again”! From then on I was pissed and sweating up a storm. 3 hours later, hair is done and it’s not what I wanted.
• All of my bridesmaids had a separate hairstylist, which was a blessing because my hair alone took so long. BUT none of them liked their hair and ended up re-doing it and/or just ripped their bobby pins out. They all looked gorgeous either way!
• Makeup went WAY over time, and we all felt like drag queens so we retouched our makeup ourselves. This was again a friend/makeup artist.
• My bra ended up not fitting underneath my dress, it was too padded which made the front of my dress pucker, we ended up having to sew me and my bra into the dress.
• The highlight of the morning was my mom bringing sandwhich ingredients to the hotel and we all made our own sandwiches which kept us alive and calm for the most part.

Tip #2: Just because you are trying to stick within budget and pinch pennies here and there, doesn’t mean you should accept favors without doing your proper research. AND always bring your own makeup and hair supplies, just-in-case!

Once we arrived to the wedding sight, which was my father’s house (the wedding was taking place in the backyard), I saw what a beautiful job my florist did and everyone who was there to help! Everything was PERFECT! Preparations that went into setting up the wedding included:
• Colors/theme: Since I knew it was going to be in my father’s backyard, which was already so beautiful and colorful, I decided not to add too much color into the decorations. I didn’t want it to look like a garden party. So I stuck with grey and white for mostly everything with subtle accents of blue (vintage blue glass floats, a single blue stripe on the napkins and cobalt blue glass vases in the centerpieces which had the table numbers on them).
• Centerpieces: I was going with beachy touches with the vintage glass floats, lanterns and burlap runners with succulents and small white/ green flowers in wooden boxes. Simple and inexpensive.

Tip #3: Once you arrive at your wedding, just let go! Trust the people you have hired/asked to help. And if everything isn’t perfect, THAT’S OK! If you don’t relax you won’t be able to enjoy any of it.

Some unexpected things that happened:
Awkward: When it was time to walk down the isle, one of the groomsmen kept hooting and whistling at every bridal party couple while they were walking. 1st, I asked him to stop (apparently he couldn’t contain himself) so 2nd, I threatened his life! That seemed to work!
Unique: Our introductions of the bridal party were very unique. The DJ announced each personal individually then said a few things about them before they danced down the entry way to a song that we chose for them. Surprisingly, each person totally rocked out and lived up to each song we chose. For example ‘Brittany has been friends with the bride since diapers, she loves to party, please give it up for Brittany…” Song we chose was Beasty Boys Fight for Your Right to Party.
Emotional: My dad did an unexpectedly great job on his speech, not a dry eye in the house. Almost directly afterwards we had the father daughter dance, my dad had some major moves and knew all of the words to the song I chose. The song started to end and finally my dad broke down on my shoulder and held me so tight and said “he didn’t want to let me go,” then quickly released me and had to walk out of the wedding to gather himself.
Nasty: A group of girls (our friends) kept getting caught in the Portable Bathrooms, showing each other their boobs… why you ask! Well, none of them remember, so we still don’t know!
Hilarious: My brother and some of our friends decided to jump in the pool toward the end of the night. It’s funny alright but the best part was they didn’t have dry clothes so they had to use my dad’s clothes. Imagine a few young, handsome men, on the dance floor wearing sweatpants (with the elastic band at the ankles) and shirts that were way too big, THAT’S FUNNY!

FUN: Since the wedding was “Adult Only”, we had a brunch the day after the wedding, back at my dad’s house. Kids were invited to swim! This was the best idea because we got to spend more time with our closest family and friends on a more casual and stress-less level. We also got to eat the left over BBQ food and desserts!

DIY Highlights:

• Instead of a signing book, we had guests sign a surfboard
• My step dad made the arbor out of bamboo then my mom wrapped it in white chiffon
• In place of a party favor we donated money to a Down Syndrome Association. We made cards (business card size) that were printed with the DSA information and hole punched the card then strung the card through twine and tied it to each napkin at each chair.
• Table numbers were written on sand dollars and tide with twine onto a cobalt blue glass bottle and placed at the center of each table
• To cover up a shed my father had in his backyard we wanted to make it look like a surf shack. We placed fishing nets on the roof and stuck sea shells in the net. We hung a lantern from the roof. My mother made a sign that read “surf shack” to cover the shed window and we leaned an old surf board up against it.
• Lighting was difficult because everything we quoted was so expensive. We decided to gather as many white Christmas lights as we could and hang them in the tree and strung them around. Once it got dark, the lights went on and it totally set the mood of a romantic warm summer night.
• Garter was easy. My mom threw it together for me with some lace, blue ribbon and elastic.
• Desserts: We had Baskin Robins Ice Cream Pies, Root Beer Floats and a cake made by my Matron of Honor.

Other Tips:

• Don’t skimp on the important things like photographer, DJ, food. This is your crew who will run the show for you!
• If you decide to have a DYI wedding, which I highly recommend, LET PEOPLE HELP YOU! This will help you stress less and actually enjoy each project.
• If you put a flower(s) in your hair, don’t expect it to last all night, they die, especially in hot weather!

Fave pic coming up right here (the color tattoos hurt the most, fyi):

(click here for a larger version you can save to your computer if you’re weirdly obsessed with my dog which I encourage, or take it a step farther (no pressure) and print it out/put on your wall at work. Because vitamin D deficiency is a big reason people get into bad moods. It could be to blame for that one coworker’s horrible attitude..)

Thoughts????!!!?!?!!!??!!!?!?!? I’m pretty in love with this wedding is it obvious. The coloring and obviously THE SUCCULENT ACTIVITY. You had me with succulents, Michelle Sullivan, but you KEPT ME with those fabulous captures of Randi’s exquisite tattoo action (Jared’s too, don’t mean to leave you out Jared). I am positively salivating over the collective tattoo action in your wedding you two, if only I had the courage! And don’t get me started on the idea to collect well wishes on a surfboard, OMGOD. I love that thing. What a neat idea for a keepsake, amirite guys?!

lata peeps!

Alison

Photography: Michelle Sullivan Photography / Florist + Day of Coordinator: Amber Bromiley / Caterers + Rentals: Green Acres / Cake: Heather Miller / DJ: Vox DJ’s KC Campbell / Hair: Frances Knott from Onyx Salon, Sherman Oaks / Makeup: Dennise Esposito from Onyx Salon in Sherman Oaks

It’s that time of the year again! LET’S MAKE S**T OUT OF EGGS.

First a Bambino update tho.. 

So for this post I set out to find the best stuff you can do to an egg besides eat it. And boy, oh boy, did I find a lot of things. This post is the *best* of those things I found. Pretty much whatever didn’t sustain the GIANT EYE ROLL that was happening on my face the entire time I filtered through egg projects.

I also set out to do my own design projects. I planned to complete all of them, and not die in the process from boredom. This is my story.

My Story

Ok so I didn’t get around to doing all the things I originally wanted to do with the eggs, because at a certain point you’re like “FUCK EGGS” and really can’t be bothered to look at another egg until you’ve cooled down with some overdue time on the toilet and a child’s serving of vodka. It feels like I’ve been painting and messing with eggs for 72 continuous hours (continuous because I don’t recall having a single dream during this time) and I’m seriously pooped. That said, I completed a handful of what I think are some pretty neat ways to decorate your eggs without a) breaking the bank, or b) needing to go through too many steps. (I hate lots of steps; very short attention span.)

Before I get to the eggs I just have to say– have you guys seen what’s out there as far as egg decorating goes? because you should, it’s funny. Thanks, but I’ll pass on your Jesus Rising from the insides of a cracked egg, my gosh. And no thanks, painting-an-egg-on-your-pregnant-belly. *I get it, I get it* but why not let some things end in the having of the idea, instead? Not everything has to be acted upon. Honey and I often joke about adopting a litter of abandoned female Frenchies and then raising them as our own in the backyard. The dream is we slooowly, carefully ween them off of their cigarette addictions, love for baguettes and willingness to surrender easily. <== World War II joke

There are zombie eggs in this post, btw.

SO, WANNA MAKE A PRETTY EGG? FOLLOW THESE SIMPLE INSTRUCTIONS AND YOU’LL BE WELL ON YOUR WAY!

And now this lovely roundup.

 1. glitter inside an egg? YES, PLEASE. I had no idea I wanted this so bad until I learned it existed; thank you Jordan Ferney! // oh happy day 2. gold foil egg diy // courtesy of she knows via love stitched 3. diy chevron washi tape eggs // lovely indeed 4. diy marbleized eggs // crafted by camille styles, drawing inspiration from design mom‘s marbling with nail polish 5. metallic thumb tack eggs // paper n stitch 6. some egg faces I made. He’s looking at the mustache like that because ENOUGH WITH THE MUSTACHES, EVERYONE.

these carved white egg shells are my BFF right now // moon on a leash

 ZOMB:

zombie egg, mtime

zombie egg two, the emily almanac +

zombie egg thrrrree, xorivicta

death star, eisoptrophobic

Here’s some engagement shoot inspiration for the eggs out there, lol just yolking. // kootation

About this next egg, hobbyist artisan crafter Electricocomics comments, “ This makes me feel bad about eating stuff now.”

Don’t be sad we’re not done yet.  There’s this:

Any favorites?  I’m loving the gold foil ones, personally..

And I’m wondering… do you think any of these decor ideas could work as centerpieces for a wedding? One around Easter time, of course, but still. Wedding appropriate? Or am I out of my mind and need to get some much needed sleep as it’s 7 in the morning on Saturday and I’ve been working through the night on an egg post.

>>Much love and happy holidays to your faces!

-Alison

..of course, there’s always *eating them* instead.  Did I mention all of the above projects – including mine – render the eggs inedible?  What kind of shit is that?  That’s some shit.  If you’re feeling faint probably don’t cover your eggs in chalkboard pen and nail varnish. If you are hungry don’t wrap your available eggs in washi tape and fuzzy silk ribbon, be sensible. Love you guys :)

Superman illustration via.

Ok. If you’ve ever wondered about how marriage and the having of children impact a couple’s sex life — or if you’re there right now and you’re feeling desperate for some real world advice — consider today’s post required reading.

I am not kidding around. If you read only five posts on this blog, let this be one of them. Here’s another. There are more but let’s try to focus.

Dear TKB:

A married friend of mine recently told me that she and her husband aren’t having as much sex as they used to, and that she’s at a loss for what to do. She said he gets defensive when she brings it up and shuts down the conversation. So at this point they’re not really talking about it, which definitely doesn’t seem like a good road to go down.

I feel really bad for her and want to help but all I could think to do was reassure her that everything will be ok, which I don’t even know if that’s case. I mean what do you do when a friend tells you this?

I’ve always assumed that if you love each other, and have a good connection, then everything will be fine. But I’m starting to feel like I’m just being naive?

One more thing… please tell me it’s possible to still have a great sex life while there’s a dependent zero year old around 24/7. Please.

Thank you in advance for any help you can provide, I truly appreciate it.

C.

Dear C,

I really love TED Talks. Have you heard of them? I find I learn so much from them, above any other source. They have talks from knowledgeable people on topics like humanity, technology, business, sex, relationships-you name it, they talk about it. And in incredibly clear detail. I highly recommend them.

The talk delivered by Esther Perel in the video below is probably my favorite. It speaks to everything I’ve personally ever wondered about the impact that marriage and new parenthood have on our existing sex lives. The best thing you can say to your friend is that she’s not alone. This is normal stuff. It’s about how you deal with it as a couple that makes all the difference.

Now sit back and watch an audience uncomfortable-laugh their way through a sex talk that finally resonates with their real life experiences.

It’s about 20 minutes long and it will explain EVERYTHING.

Do you guys have insight, or advice, for Miss C and her friend?

As always, no information is too much information for this blog, even when it comes to sex. Especially then. So feel free to keep it real ladies and gents.

xx, Alison

P.S. – Do you have any questions you’d like to submit to the Dear TKB advice column? Send a question to alison(@)theknottybride.com and I might answer it on the blog! Of course, your privacy is my priority. Names are never revealed.

Attention Photographers! If you’re a photographer who’ll be in the NYC area Friday and are interested in joining us as our photographer for backstage access fun at a particularly incred runway show… let me know ASAP. Thank you! Update: All set now, thanks all!

In other news…

Here is what newlyweds Alyson and Zac said they were going for, with their wedding:

-a laid back feel with minimal décor.

-romantic without feeling stuffy.

-We wanted people to leave with the feeling that they had just been to an awesome concert with the album and poster to remember it by.

Here is what I heard:

Today’s feature, submitted by Pure 7 Studios, got me where the heart is… and not just because they call one another Honey. It’s also not just because they have a Frenchie (even though the frenchie thing is definitely part of it). And it’s not just because they had an adorbs photo booth at their wedding with adorbs friends who dressed up adorbs-ably because that’s how you do at a wedding (take note, friends of engaged couples). Oh and it’s CERTAINLY not because Alyson is a hottie. Because that would be super chauvinist of me, to like her and this wedding for that alone. For her hotness. Which I don’t see. Like with race.

So nope, it’s none of those things! It’s this first quote:

My favorite quote from the groom (Zac) = “After we began dating, we took a trip down to Florida… walking down the beach late one afternoon… it was the perfect quiet day and I was happy.  It was a simple happy and I was whole.  I knew then she was the one.”

awwwwwwwwwwww.

My favorite quote from the bride (Alyson) = “We fill our lives with the sound of music so we wanted to incorporate that in our wedding.”

Take it away, you two…

In the Beginning

(Alyson:)  We met through mutual friends in the summer of 05’ but were both in other relationships so we remained friends for the next 5 years.  Then one day it clicked and we decided to try for more and it took!  We talk about it now and wonder why it took so long but we know that it was in Gods plan for us to grow as individuals and create a strong friendship. We are best friends now and I wouldn’t want it any other way.  He’s the best man I know and I love him to pieces!

(Alyson:)  Zac proposed on family vacation to the Caymans.  His mother hired a professional photographer to take family photos on the beach.  After every couple had their photo taken it was our turn.  At the perfect moment he whispered in my ear “this next one will be a wall hanger” and it was!  It was right at sunset and a total surprise.  It was a true “precious moment” and we have it all on film!

(Zac:)  As Alyson said, we knew each other thru mutual friends and we had known each other for several years.  I have always enjoyed being around her.  She can always make me laugh.  She is the kind of person that you just enjoy being with.  How could I not fall in love with her?!
After we began dating, we took a trip down to Florida.  Her and I and our two dogs were walking down the beach late one afternoon.  It was the perfect quiet day and I was happy.  It was a simple happy and I was whole.  I knew then she was the one.

The Big Day

9/21/12
Carillon Beach, Florida

Colors – Oranges, blues, turquoise, purples, pinks
We chose not to have bridesmaids and groomsman because it was a destination wedding.
(Alyson:)  Theme – Both Zac and I really love listening to old vinyl, discovering new bands, and checking out live shows.  We fill our lives with the sound of music so we wanted to incorporate that in our wedding.  We had our guests sign some of our records instead of a book and we hired a blues band to play at the reception.  The band is a ligit blues band from Memphis so they haven’t played many weddings.  Needless to say it was interesting but they are great musicians.  We also gave gift bags and filled them with personalized cd’s that looked like old 45’s and posters with everyone of our guests names on them.  The bags were plain brown bags from Hobby Lobby so I wanted to give them a little flair.  I bought different kinds of fabric and cut them into strips.  I also used glitter ribbon and a rope like material.  I punched holes in the bags and tied the ribbon, rope, & fabric into bows on the bags.  It gave it a personal touch!  We wanted people to leave with the feeling that they had just been to an awesome concert with the album and poster to remember it by.

What we wanted overall was a laid back feel with minimal décor.  I wanted it to be romantic without feeling stuffy.  The ceremony took place in a small white chapel next to the reception green.  We didn’t trust the weather at the beach so we chose the chapel instead but we did have pictures taken on the beach and they are perfect.  We had an open-air reception overlooking the Carillon Lake with tons of lights in the trees. The tables were covered with white linen table clothes & turquoise pales filled with colorful zinnias, dahlias, lisianthus, & hydrangeas. We also had a homemade photo booth with tons of awesome props.  Our florist was amazing and captured exactly what we wanted.   It was country, beach chic.  J

(Alyson:)  I loved my dress!  I wanted it to feel light and match the beach atmosphere.  I really just wanted to be comfortable but still feel like a bride.

We honeymooned in Anguilla but didn’t go until November.  I’m glad we chose to wait because we were well rested and the excitement wasn’t over in just a weekend.  We had our honeymoon to look forward too!  We also got married on a Friday so we spent the next day on the beach with our friends.  It was perfect.

Borrowed, Blue, & New
(borrowed) I wore my mother’s shoes from when she married my dad.  (new) My parents bought me pearl earrings.  (blue) I cut a piece of my diseased grandfathers blue shirt in the shape of a heart and had it sown into my dress over my heart.  We were very close and it was really important for me to include a piece of him.  He would have loved Zac.

Behind the Scenes

We couldn’t have worked with better planners, photographers, caterers, videographers, or florists!  There are a lot of details that go into a wedding and they are truly the best at what they do.

Thanks, Alyson and Zac for sharing your incredible day with us!  Let’s get this party started…

Btw – this wedding does not get an…

… that’s just their beautiful moss-covered married name initial. (Harr dee harr harrrr I know, I know..)

Ok so here’s my question…

xx, Alison

Photographer: Pure 7 Studios / Wedding Planners: Victoria & Avis – Carillon Weddings / Caterer: Townsend Catering / Florist: Nouveau Flowers / Gown: Lowe’s Bridal / Cupcakes: Confections on the Coast / Ceremony: Carillon Beach, Meeting House / Reception: Carillon Beach, Main Green / Entertainment: Daddy Mack Blues Band / Makeup: Jamie Gummere / Invitations: Wedding Wire / Submission via Two Bright Lights

via Buzzfeed

The Knotty Bride is on Buzzfeed you guys.  Is this real life?

We’ve been keeping this a secret for what feels like the length of a full term pregnancy at this point (not to downplay IRL pregnancy where you have an IRL baby in you; trust me on that).  So it’s so rad finally to be able to tell you guys about it!

A huge thanks to Buzzfeed for the bitchin feature, and an even bigger thank you to a key member of The Knotty Bride team Kindred, led by Renee Hong – without whom none of this amazingly creative s**t would even be possible.  It is such an honor to work with you!

A quick note, ladies and gents: while you’re waiting to see all our eye candy from the runway shows of this past Bridal Fashion Week (OMG WAIT UNTIL YOU SEE THESE PHOTOS WE TOOK I AM NOT SHITTING YOU)…

… you might want to check on what our resident DIY’ers are up to over at Kindred, or maybe take a peek at the Kindred shop if you’ve got a hankering for some lovely golden bangles… they’d make the perfect bridesmaid gifts, if you ask me. :)

Anyways, if you’re open to it I hope you’ll take a visit over to Buzzfeed and tell us what you think.  Totes your call, obvs.  I know we’re supposed to act all strong and like we don’t care that there are negative comments showing up, but daaaaaaamn!  Peeps be goin negative quick in the comments sections!  >>For example: what did we ever do to you, kylamarien and Zwantea? :\

Have a great morning you guys, much love and hugs.

I’ll be back shortly with your new favorite dresses <==that’s a guarantee.

xx, Alison

Images for Buzzfeed shot by: Jenna Rae Photography and Kindred / Runway image by: maself 

Dessert symbols font: “MTF Sweet Dings” if you’re curious!

(drinks entire cup of coffee in one gulp)

LET’S DO THIS!!!!!!!!!111111

First up, happy afternoon everybody.  Missed you.  So here’s the little announcement (which I hinted at over the wknd).  This is for anyone who likes writing or wants to be a wedding blogger.  TKB’s about to take on more contributors!  We’re officially opening up the 2nd annual Knotty Blogger casting call as of today.  So if you are all about this, let me know in the comments and/or via email –> alison@theknottybride.com.  Feel free to tweet me your interest but just make sure you email me whatever you do, as emails will be how we keep track!  Thanks.

Our last casting call explains pretty well what we’re looking for so you can check that out if you’d like.  But here are some examples of what we’re looking for…

Is your voice a great fit for The Knotty Bride blog?

• Maybe you’re funny and it comes alive in your writing.  You might want to write on random topics that pique your interest (and which you believe will be engaging for Knotty readers).
• Maybe you’re the kind of person people go to for advice, and you’d like to spread your wings in our advice column.
• Maybe you’re planning your wedding, and you’re dealing with in-law issues, or relationship issues, or whatever, and you’d like to blog about your journey openly and honestly (and anonymously, if you so desire) so that others might read your column and be relieved to learn they’re not the only ones going through the thing.  Or whatever you get it.
• Maybe you simply love weddings, and you’d like to become one of our wedding bloggistas, sharing incredible wedding submissions right here on The Knotty.
• Maybe you excel in graphic design, or you’re a talented stationer, and you’d like to contribute the occasional custom little something-something, which you’ve created with our readers in mind.
• Or maybe a million other things we haven’t thought of yet!

So that’s the stuff we’re after.  If any of the above describe you, or if you have an even better idea for how you can add your voice to The Knotty Bride… get in touch.  Can’t wait to read your emails you guys!

Next topic, can’t think of a transition sorry.

Did you know it’s International Clitoris Awareness Week?  Yes really.  It’s not what you think tho - it’s better.  It’s like right when you think society’s starting to cave in on itself, Internat’l Clit Awareness becomes a new cause and you feel righted.

Oo speaking of clitorises… here is the blog post I promised you guys with the sex playlist I tested out meticulously curated for you.  If you happen to dig this playlist thing I’m trying out, I’d be happy to make it a thing.  Just let me know.

Now believe it or not, I got too scared to post this post for a very noticeable week and a half, because I got into a headspace where I was convinced the content was far too blunt, far too sex-focused, for the blog.  For The Knotty Bride, a blog titled because of the double entendre of the word “knotty.”  I know, it was very weird.  Meanwhile Cosmopolitan’s publishing dick jokes next to Dakota Fanning’s face.  So I sought intervention.  I talked to a blogger friend of mine about my crippling hesitation to publish, how I thought “my readers may think I’m like, gross.”  She said “are you f**king kidding me? post it. I want to see that list.”

So that got me closer to publishing it.

Then I remembered some things I promised myself when I first started blogging, things like ‘always face your fears’ and  ’blog what scares you’ and that’s when I was like- ok.  Maybe I’ll publish it.

But THEN, I remembered all these things about how sex is the single biggest issue facing relationships second to $$$$//how a lack of physical touching brings down marriages every day//how sex frequently serves as the scapegoat in arguments, when it is actually a diminishing meaningful connection, yadda yadda yadda… I had to post it.

So I sneakily made it part of my answer to today’s reader-submitted question for Dear TKB.  Like a little baby.

Dear TKB:

I’m worried that my fiance and I are drifting apart while we plan our wedding. We argue a lot more these days than we ever did and it’s always over the dumbest wedding shit. Recently we went a day without talking to each other, I was sure we were breaking up, it was horrible. Never felt farther away from him. 

We’re going through a drought sex-wise right now (ever since we started getting into arguments over the wedding planning) and we can’t seem to escape it. Literally we’ll be sitting right next to each other on the couch, and neither of us will touch the other for the entire evening. I hate it. All I want is to feel his touch, but instead I sit there waiting for him to make the first move. I feel like he does the same thing. I guess that’s what you get when you’re both stubborn people!!

I hate how I’ve changed into this person who feels too insecure to initiate sex or try to talk to him about my feelings. And the only reason I don’t initiate sex anymore is because I’m constantly worried “is he into this? does he even want me touching him?” I used to initiate just as much as him! 

Do you have any tips for getting out of this rut? I would appreciate any advice The Knotty Bride or your readers might have for me. Thank you so much in advance. 

-”J”

PS – My biggest problem is I have no idea how to broach the subject in a way that will help us talk about it without fighting. I’m pretty sure you might suggest that I just be honest with him about how I feel, but please understand that it’s so hard to talk to him without it turning into him being defensive, or worse, him not even wanting to talk about it anymore and shutting down. Especially when it’s about my feelings. I know this all sounds terrible but I promise you, we really had a good thing before the wedding started causing weird fights. I promise! I’d love to know if any of your readers have been through a similar thing in their relationships, and if it can get better?

Thank you again!

Dear Miss J,

Lots of people think step one of wedding planning is to pick a date; close but no cigar.  It’s to remember to keep the relationship a top priority.

Seven years in, Honey and I are a great match.  I feel pretty comfortable telling him almost everything.  Not everything.  But almost.  For example I’m still getting around to admitting to just how many places hair grows on my body, but time is on our side.  At this point in our relationship he’s my best guy friend, my trusted confidant, in many ways my business partner, and my favorite person to wrestle with in the boudwahh.  But closer to when we first met, it was much more the last part than anything else.  The rest takes time, and often effort!  How many years are you in?

First thing that comes to mind is it’s possible you’re both weirded out by the people you’ve become, as you guys plan this wedding.  Like you, he may be missing the girl who loved to show him affection and often initiated sex, as you indicated. Try out acting more like yourself again for a day, and ignore the big glaring problems you’re so worried about.  See what happens.

Relationships are all different, with all different types of people in them, and with each of those people carrying a different type and amount of baggage into the relationship.  What’s more; many people aren’t even aware of the emotional issues they bring.  And most people think they’re the saner one in a relationship.  It’s that, that right there, that gets most of us into real trouble, connection-wise.

Real connection takes good old hard work.  Time.  It takes trial and error.  It takes the kinds of talks that make you worried before having the talk, because you fear you might be bringing up something that’ll result in you breaking up with one another by the end of the talk.  Because you’re so afraid that what’s really on your mind might make your partner like you less, and want to leave you for a better one.  Someone without your issues.  (Everybody figures out one day that we ALL have our issues; some are just slower to arrive at this realization than others.)

There’s so much stuff we wish we had the strength to tell our partners, and too often we let our insecurities about how our partners may react stop us from sharing our truths.  But imagine how you felt the last time someone told you a secret about themselves, one that made them feel less than.  Did you suddenly hate them and never want to see them again?  Or did you feel closer to them and want to provide a shoulder?  Did it worsen the relationship?  Or bond you?  Refusing to let your insecurities stop you from speaking openly with your partner is KEY to the longevity of your relationship.

Anyway.  As for advice, I do have some.  Tho you pretty much guessed it already.

I’d like you to talk to him about what’s on your mind, and be honest.  You need to tell him how you feel.  Without blaming him; that’s essential.  Try to keep in mind that your perception is your reality, and that you might be off.  So talk it out, replace your agonizing wondering with knowing.  Don’t drift with the current of your relationship.  Act.  Replace your arguments with conversations, and don’t let it get out of hand.  This is about your bond together; you may think it’s unraveling but it’s very likely that it’s your first true test as a couple.  Getting through the muck successfully means a closer bond in the end.  I have confidence in you!  You’re clearly smart, I can tell.  Plus, I know in my heart that you know in your heart that this is what you have to do.  So don’t be afraid, it’s just talking.

Speaking of talking–

1. Don’t talk too much.
2. Listen.
3. Don’t pile it all on like this is your one opportunity to work through your entire list of grievances.  What’s bothering you most about your relationship right now?  Go with that one and avoid going off-topic (even if you think you can segue into another of your grievances beautifully, killing two birds.. still don’t do it).
4. Listen.
5. The key to communication is brevity (SHOUT OUT ‘A DIFFERENT WORLD’).
6. Listen.
7. Speak with purpose and never attack, no matter what.
8. Listen.
9. Don’t start what might be a long, difficult conversation on an empty stomach.  That goes for both of you.
10. Listen. to. what. he. has. to. saaaay.
11. Do not I repeat do not complain about the less frequent sex you’ve been having.  Tah-RUST me, he has noticed it.
12. Listen listen listen to the words that are comin outta his mouth!
13. At the risk of sounding old fashioned, try preparing dinner and having a real conversation as you two eat together.  Eating makes for great conversation.  Much better than Real Housewives of Beverly Hills on mute.

Ok time to hide ya kids.  This is the Sex Mix part.  SERIOUS FACE, about the kids.

Ladies and germs, please enjoy this list of songs that won’t make you start laughing in the middle of delivering the gift of Orel Hershiser (very disruptive for both involved), or while engaged in your typical sesh of full-throttle love-making…….

(I’d say a few John Mayer albums as well, but I will admit I’ve broken out in laughter at the fact that I’m trying to have sex to a John Mayer album, so it’s iffy)

……. Because:

We need to start taking control of our sex lives.  More and better sex, now.  And the best way to do that?  Set the right mood, and maaaaiiintaaaaaiinn that sonofabeach… with a carefully curated song list.

Y’know, it’s funny.  They say it’s a good thing to be able to laugh during sex.  That it means you’re closer.  Yes, fine, that’s fine and I agree on some level with it.  But consider… sex is a place of escape; laughter brings you back to reality.  Sex is meant to be a safe space for the exploration and discovery of the body, raw and real.  It is most personal.  As you may remember from Dr. Perel‘s TED Talk, it’s about “not only pleasure of the physical, but of the internally arousing.”  And that requires a bit of concentration, AMIRITE LADIES.

So by all means have fun and laugh if something laughable happens.  It’s a healthy response.  But really who wants to pull a muscle being yanked out of a sexually inspiring moment because John Mayer’s “Daughters” came on the radio?  Songs can kill focus just as badly as body insecurity.  You’re just starting to feel like you might be getting into the zone with your partner?  Sweet Caroline by Neil Diamond.  You’re finally in a place, mentally, where you can let yourself enjoy a little downtime, courtesy of your honey?  Good job keeping a straight face and not bucking his head out of your lap when Miley Cyrus shows up.  Finally turned on enough not to focus on how you look down there, and if he’s happy with how you look down there, and just enjoy the moment?  Anything sung by a Disney Channel star and you’re back to square one.

What a tragedy it is.  To lose the momentum of your sexual experience right in the middle of the experience.  And with nothing but a crappy song to blame.  That is why I encourage you to come with me my children.  Children’s the wrong word.  Come with me, my friends!  Come is the wrong word.

Just listen to me, play those tunes Honey and I have already tested out I MEAN ARRANGED, ARRANGED for you.  And all that’s left for you to do is bang. (Is this weird?)

For discussion today:

1. Do you have any thoughts or advice for our lovely reader, Miss J?

2. When it comes to being intimate… would you say you prefer having the music on? or are you into the sounds of silence?  Would love to hear your song suggestions too, if you have any you wanna share!

3. For those of you interested in joining our newest crop of bloggers – I can’t wait to hear from you.  This is exciting, I loved it so much last time!  Yay to new friendships, too (best part).

xx! Alison